Of death and life

I hadn't looked at the calendar yet so I didn't realize what today is. It's the anniversary of the destruction of the Twin Towers but also the anniversary of a much more pleasant event.

Two years ago today, instead of celebrating this anniversary with tears and sad memories, we chose to celebrate death and destruction with an affirmation of life. After 39 years of sighs and longing looks, tender thoughts and happy fantasies, we looked into each other's eyes and saw the truth. Through laughter and giggles and long, loving looks and sighs we stood outside on the deck wrapped in each other's arms and noticed the wind's devastation in an uprooted lodgepole pine that had fallen away from the cabin and away from us. He laughed while I got my words mixed up standing so close to him, our mingled scent wreaking havoc with my logic circuits, while I explained how the wind was so strong and fierce it had bent the rigid pines nearly vertical. I meant horizontal, my hand horizontal, but vertical rushing from between my lips. Every time vertical or horizontal come up now his green eyes twinkle as he smiles his crooked smile and I see the memory of those moments on the deck, wrapped in each other's arms as we laughed and teased and kissed mirrored in his eyes.

The world outside didn't exist that day, only being together, sharing a bowl of oatmeal and his favorite movie while we sat on the floor together, holding each other and wiping tears of joy from our eyes. We were closer that day in those few hours than we have ever been before or since and I cherish those moments as much as I cherish the gift he brought me, a gift he lovingly crafted and shared.

As difficult as it is to look back and remember the devastation of the Twin Towers on that day five years ago, a devastation I heard on the radio as I drove to the doctor's office to have her look at the blood leaking into the tissues under my right eye and swelling my eye nearly shut because of a car accident three days before, I prefer to remember the same date two years ago when I finally understood how wonderful it is to be loved and understood and accepted and cherished, to look into another's eyes and see perfect love and trust and long held dreams fulfilled.