Immigrants or Zombies?

The problems with being lazy is that old put up or shut up dilemma. Much like Trump's wall. We — or at least Trump — sees the wall as being a way to keep immigrants from jumping the border fences or climbing over them.

What if the problem were zombies?

I think that is what the zombie movies and zombie books is really all about — unwanted and uninvited beings attacking and/or entering our borders.

What if zombies were streaming across our borders and we (Trump) wanted to keep them out? Trump said Mexico would pay for the border fence, but now it seems as if that is the top salesman's imagined dream — delusion — wish.

Substitute zombies for illegal immigrants and the picture changes.

The United States of America is not an embattled population fighting off zombies, but a sovereign state that has not (and will not) passed socialized medicine. That goes against our (America's) grain. We believe in the highly competitive marketplace of the single payer system. "But the payer does not own the doctors or the hospitals or the nurses or the MRI scanners." That quote comes from the Washington Post and was written by Ezra Klein.

Well, you will say, socialized medicine is not the same as building a wall to keep out illegal immigrants.

Isn't it? I beg to differ.

The Democratic party wants to open all borders and let immigrants come freely into any country on the planet regardless of their behavior or their needs. After all, Canada has socialized medicine, and so does most of Europe. Immigration was no problem when Angela Merkel, chancellor of Germany, opened her arms and welcomed the hordes of Muslims to her door. Justin Trudeau, current president of Canada, opens his arms and welcomes all immigrants — no matter who or what they are. All are welcome, he says. But Canada and Germany both have socialized medicine — as do most of the western European countries. The UK similarly opens its arms and welcomes the Muslim hordes to its shores — and welcomes the Muslim hordes to their socialized medicine with equal affability, which is why there are hordes of Muslims living in the UK battling for recognition and setting off bombs while assassins murder their people wherever — as in the Ariana Grande concert where 22 fans died and 59 fans were wounded. The attack was perpetrated by a suicide bomber — a Muslim suicide bomber.

Similar attacks have ravaged Europe since the refugee Muslims from the Middle East and Africa, among other countries, fled to the relative safety of Europe. Muslims have been welcomed throughout Europe where suicide bombers have attacked Paris, the UK, and other cities throughout the world. Even Canada has dealt with the terrorist attacks as has the USA when a lone Muslim gunman attacked the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida. The gunman was Muslim, but was carrying out the dictates of his Muslim beliefs when he gunned down 49 49 and wounded 53.

America has not escaped terror attacks. A Muslim couple gunned down employees where the man worked in San Bernardino and two young Muslim men set off a bombing at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Tamerlan Tsarnaev died, but his brother, Dzhokhar, three other acquaintances relative Ibragim Tsarnaev were implicated and arrested.

Then there was the Army psychiatrist, Major Nidal Malik Hasan, at Fort Hood, Texas who gunned down 12 and wounded 31. He was a Muslim, born in Virginia, but was not happy about his deployment to Iraq. 

Noting the Arabic nature of the gunman’s name, the Council on American-Islamic Relations, a Washington interest group, condemned “this cowardly attack in the strongest terms possible and ask that the perpetrators be punished to the full extent of the law.”

”No political or religious ideology could ever justify or excuse such wanton and indiscriminate violence,” the council said in a statement. “The attack was particularly heinous in that it targeted the all-volunteer army that protects our nation. American Muslims stand with our fellow citizens in offering both prayers for the victims and sincere condolences to the families of those killed or injured.”

Talk is cheap, but the facts begin to show the danger of immigration — legal or illegal. These immigrants are as dangerous as a zombie apocalypse. The difference is obvious — or it is not. Zombies are mindless corpses with the drive to eat human flesh or brain — depending which authority you follow in zombie literature. It's rather like the difference between which news service you follow — the world news or the US news. President Trump believes the US news, which can be co-opted and is at the beck and call of whichever power (political or oligarch) controls the funding, or even which puppeteer is pulling the strings (the celebrity powers that be — Harvey Weinstein, Clintons, Bushes, Cosby, or Obama), which is really the same thing. Substitute zombies craving human flesh or brains with Muslims, illegal immigrants, or mentally ill terrorists and the result — outcome — is the same. Death and terror. 

If Stephen King had written The Stand during these times, the invading evil might well have been illegal immigrants or zombie hordes instead of the flu that kills more than the usual and more natural 10% of the Earth's population, decimating the medical system, and throwing the population back to a more primitive state where nuclear bombs would leave the planet a burned out cinder instead of plunging us into yet another Dark Age where the remaining life on this planet would be mutated by the nuclear fallout and residual nuclear contamination of this, our Earth. 

In the end, whether the fence is built to keep out illegal immigrants or zombies, it must be built and we, the people of the United States, must quash our political differences and build the fence to keep the US borders safe from being over run by whomever — or whatever. We cannot keep out the plague such as Stephen King imagined when he wrote The Stand because plagues cannot be kept out by fences. Not even being overrun by zombies as in the zombie apocalypse can a fence protect us as the walls surrounding enclaves where humans live unmolested and we, the people, have no Rodrigo de Bivar (El Cid) to bring together the Muslims who have become a part of the country's population as they did during the time of El Cid to battle the African hordes bent on jihad streaming up from Africa 

In the end, whether the fence will be built (if it will be built by Trump in his desire to keep the illegal immigrants out), the fence will have to include funds obtained by whatever means (taxes, tariffs, or payments to live, which Islam calls dhimmitude and the Spanish Inquisition called conversos. Torquemada did his best to convert as many Jews as possible or they were sent to the fire (auto-da-fe). The only other opportunity for Jews during the Inquisition was to flee to Turkey where Caliph Bayezit took them in and allowed them to pay the dhimmi tax (payment that allowed Christians and/or Jews to retain and practice their religion). 

Here in the USA, we require immigrants to legally immigrate or be marginalized by being illegal while feeding off the social teat (Welfare), their children becoming American citizens if they are born here in the US where they will by birth claim all rights of a US citizen though their parents sneaked across the border, defying our immigration laws, and taking from us, the US citizens, all they can get by right of birth — rather like Caliph Bayezit of Turkey who took in the Jews when they fled Spain in order to continue to practice their religion and beliefs, for which they paid dhimmitude to Bayezit. 

Islam had a hand in Adolph Hitler's Final Solution and Jews, gypsies, and Christians — as well as other undesirables — were sent to relocation camps, lined up, gave up their money, jewels, portraits, and all property which reverted to the state — Nazis fled to Argentina with their booty (goods stripped from gas chamber victims, right down to the gold in their teeth) and lived in luxury until the social revolution caught up with them or Simon Wiesenthal and other Nazi hunters made them pay for their atrocities in blood.  

Will Trump follow Hitler (and tax the invaders) or Bayezit who enriched his country and the ultimate Ottoman expansion of Islam with dhimmitude? Or will Trump follow Jefferson's example and welcome the immigrants of the caravan, folding them into our population, doling out Welfare much the same as socialized countries like Canada and Europe, or refuse to accept immigrant children born on American soil as full US citizens? Basically, it is a question of doling out Welfare to illegal immigrants and accepting their children born in the US as citizens with voting rights and free access to Welfare, food stamps, and such. In a sense, the USA is socialized sufficiently, especially  with Welfare, food stamps, and such. Though the USA and Trump do not believe in socialized medicine, they do believe that a person's hard work will be rewarded, and that is also true in socialized countries where the rich can afford to jump to the head of the socialized medicine list and get what they need without the constant waiting and endless hurdles that must be clambered over to get that social medicine — or the eventual collapse of the socialized medicine framework as it has in the UK and throughout Europe under the onslaught of Muslims who continue to breed more children with multiple wives and/or rape Christians, Jews, and undesirables and seeding them with future Muslims  — or in this case the onslaught of the caravan with its children, women, and men migrating north to escape the oppression and poverty of their home countries.  

It comes down to morality. You can save one person by allowing them access to medical care or treating 100 people by providing access to social medicine. It is rather like the dilemma I face every day where $19 will help wounded warriors, children with cancer or birth defects, senior citizens down on their luck and forcibly retired, or animals dealing with inclement weather, starvation, and/or abuse. I would help them all if it were left up to me, but I am hampered by my limited social security and having to pay $37 every time I let sentiment and morality take precedence over the need and desire to work and contribute with the remainder of my strength and time. I would rather use my talents to speak my mind and change ideas and hearts and not fall into Trump's abyss by tweeting everything that comes into my mind and heart. 

Trump is the President of the United States, the leader of our democratic country of we, the people, and head of the Armed Forces who has a quixotic relation to the truth (in the news or from himself) and he has pledged to build the wall to keep our borders strong against the invading hordes of immigrants who are all too willing to travel hundreds of miles through dangerous and ill hospitable land just to enter illegally. They might as well be zombies when it comes down to it. 

Zombies don't ask for citizenship or expect to vote and over burden our social services. Zombies only ask to feed on our flesh and scrape brains from our bodies to feed their need. No matter what movies and television depict, the end result is the same. Death to the host and infection for all who come into contact with their ravenous needs. That is the aim of the Democrats whose desire to use the illegal immigrants to boost their ideology and enrich their status. The result is Maxine Waters living in a million-dollar mansion and not within the area where people voted for her, Bill and HIllary Clinton living off the proceeds and tainted blood from convicts that infected recipients with AIDS and hepatitis and the possibility of pregnancy when raped by Bill or drugged into a receptive state and raped by Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein exacting sexual favors for a part in a movie, and the list goes on. It all comes down to morality, which translates into the politics of government and sexuality. We choose one person — or thing over another — and often the determination is determined by the individual's morality and ethics — or the individual politics. No matter what or why these United States of America were conceived, our forefathers believed that we, the people, were ultimately responsible for our own individual ethics and morality. 

The Constitution and the laws of this land lead the way and we individuals must follow their beliefs into the future where our morality and ethics blaze forth from our shining city on the hill — no matter who is in residence. 

Ultimately, whether or not we build the wall, no matter who funds it, we will hold true to our moral principles and personal ethics no matter which party or individual sits in the Oval Office. 

I blanched when I heard that some writer had ruined Pride and Prejudice by adding zombies, but what I found was zombies that actually fit into the classic penned by Jane Austen. 

Zombies or illegal immigrants? What is the difference in the end? 

That is all Disperse. 

Frog or Scorpion?

We should be careful to climb on the back of a scorpion, but we should also be careful of becoming a scorpion or a frog in need of a ride across a river blocking our path. We should not attack needlessly. We should also be far more tolerant when we hear and see something that trips our triggers.

We should also be honest and not end up playing the telephone game where we whisper a simple sentence in our partner's ear while sitting in a circle. What we begin with is seldom what comes out at the end of the game.

We should not gossip and we should not repeat information that seems right but isn't right. That is where the fake news comes in, especially when respected journalists are little more than gossipmongers spreading what they believe is right, but have not checked (researched) to see is right.

Like the story going around that tear gas was fired into a crowd and children were at risk.

That story is not correct. No, we have not endangered children -- or their parents -- for coming illegally into our country. Tear gas was fired. That is correct But tear gas was fired at the chain link fence that separates our land from Mexico's border. It was not fired specifically and directly at illegal immigrants -- or anyone. It was fired at the fence to keep immigrants from climbing the fence and illegally broaching our U.S. border.

Got that? Tear gas was fired at the border so immigrants would not enter illegally -- a deterrent not a direct attack on the immigrants. Parents who have brought their children on this caravan should watch out for their children and not put their children in danger -- which they have failed to do from the beginning.

Yes, their actions are from the political unrest, but mostly their actions are from a desire to better themselves -- we hope. Sadly, when immigrants throw the food and necessities of life onto the ground because they are not being given 'the best' then their desire for a better life becomes less believable -- much like the story of tear gas tossed into crowds. That did NOT happen. That is a lie meant to discredit and stir up animosity at Trump. Bad idea.

Trump is not the brightest and best of presidents because he has far too much ego. But Trump was not elected because he was the most popular and most ethical (just like Obama was supposed to be the most popular and ethical -- and wasn't). Trump is the response to the hope and change that Obama preacified but did not deliver. Campaign rhetoric seldom comes down to what is but what if.

After 8 years of lies and promises, we, the people of the United States, wanted a change -- a far right shift from a definitely far left position. Trump has been asked to run before, but he didn't. The only thing that could have motivated such a drastic shift was the drastic shift that Obama demonstrated. To continue to follow the same disastrous shift that Obama demonstrated, the Democrats will lose again.

Democrats have the right idea -- finally -- of bettering the nation, but as someone who is very adaptable to changes, I don't recommend dramatic change, but the smaller, easier changes that most people can accommodate.

Obama was a liar.

Trump plays fast and loose with the truth. What salesman have you ever encountered who does not play fast and loose with the truth? Car salesmen for instance, especially of the secondhand vehicles. Gilding the lily is the basis for all transactions.

I would prefer Trump not tweet his every thought and I would prefer Obama go back to the hole he crawled out of, but my preferences are not at issue. I would also prefer that Democrats grow up and get real. Bernie Sanders, for all of his 'ideas' about what we can and cannot afford with regard to health care, education, etc. is not at all realistic. He is a dreamer -- a dreamer we cannot afford.

In the end, we are back to the scorpion and the frog. The frog needs to get across the river, but he does not need to get across the river by climbing on the back of the scorpion because he will die when the scorpion strikes. The scorpion is acting according to its nature. So in this scenario -- Trump versus Obama. -- which is the scorpion?

Before you assume I voted Trump, let me stop you. I did not vote for Trump. I thought he was a clown hogging the center ring of a three-ring circus. He has done little to change my opinion of him. The clown is not the scorpion. Obama is the scorpion. He hides his basic nature beneath a charming exterior, but he has not fooled me. He is the scorpion and I prefer to avoid scorpions and not get stung. Trump is more a bee -- annoying and potentially dangerous since I am allergic to bee stings, but not fatal if I keep my Epi-Pen handy.

So, no, Trump did not order tear gas to be lobbed into the crowd, endangering children. The soldiers lobbed tear gas at the fence which the caravan would have climbed to gain illegal access to our country, forcing us, the United States people, to deal with them. If the immigrants do not wish to illegally enter this country, especially against the law and against the peoples' wishes, they could have stepped back out of harm's way, protected their children, and not have to breathe the tear gas. They should have protected their children and sought to make changes in their home countries and not forced entry here in the United States.

But then the immigrants put their wishes and desires before their children and before anyone who gets in the way. Me, me, me, me, me is all they want. They care about themselves more than anything or anyone. They are already Democrats who talk a good game, but when it comes down to the rub, they are all talk and no sensible action.

In this fable, Obama is the scorpion and Trump is the hapless, albeit politically naive frog. Trump let his ego lead him when Bill Clinton, another scorpion, egged him into the political area, and Hillary, another scorpion -- small but lethal -- and more naive than Trump urged Trump on because she was sure the American people would vote for her and she would handily beat Trump. Hillary is the deadliest scorpion of all, but her ego mitigates her sting.

Frog or scorpion? You choose. I'll adapt as I always have because I was raised by a scorpion with more naievete and ego than Hillary.

That is all. Disperse. 

The Future is Here

I go through a process when hurdles pop up. I panic a little then step back and consider the problem from a different perspective and then, when I'm done weighing the options, I act. I seldom act in haste until I've weighed the options and see where things are taking me. That is what I did when I left Colorado, seeming to all and sundry to have acted in haste. It may have seemed that way, but I act quickly when I've weighed the options.

I was in a similar state of muddle before I acted and considered asking for help from my friends and my sons with regard to my current situation. Then one of the residents came home last night and told her about her young relative who had just lost her father and she didn't know what to do or where to turn. For all intents and purposes, Sue's relative had lost the only father she knew, though he had been sick and in and out of the hospital recently. She had no idea what to do about the funeral and Sue was encouraging her to move away from Kentucky, the only home she had known, away from her friends and support group, and come here to Urbana -- or at least to this community to be with her family. Sue and her children and their children are the woman's family. Sue's relative has a readymade support system that she does not know. She wants to stay in Kentucky where she has lived with her father until he died (he was not her legal father, but her father for all real intents and purposes). she has worked at a local job there for 11 years and doesn't want to leave her friends, her community, or her job to be near family. I don't blame her. She has every reason and her support system to stay in Kentucky in the community where she has lived.

Though her father is gone, she still has to pay for his funeral and I will assume he did not leave a will or an insurance policy. She has set up a GoFundMe project to pay for everything. Luckily, because of the holiday season, she has had several people willing to send her money through GoFundMe and will be able to make a dent in the funeral arrangements. I do hope she has not succumbed to the usual fear that she must give her father a costly burial, which is where most funeral homes get you. The funeral home directors and employees are only doing their job by talking grieving relatives into the more expensive send-offs because they are in effect business people and that is their job -- to talk you into buying a package that would do the deceased proud. What should be a two thousand dollar funeral will end up being eight thousand and very likely more funeral to do the deceased up proud. That is how funeral homes make money -- by talking the grieving relatives into doing the deceased up proud. Guilt is a great motivator during times of grief.

Luckily, I cannot under the rules of Medicare purchase or pay for a final needs insurance policy because the government would be obliged to confiscate the policy, just as the government would take all the ready cash I have and leave me with no more than $30 cash in my pocket or in my bank account. That is what the government does if you fall under the Medicaid umbrella. You have to pay for the government taking care of you unless you have a financial wizard in your support system who knows where and how to hide your ready cash.

It is only fair. You have to pay the government back if you are going to use the government as a fall-back position or rely on the government to take care of your final needs. It's like health care. You cannot get socialized health care unless someone foots the bill -- like with much higher taxes. So, no matter what Democrats say (and what Bernie Sanders promised) there is no get unless someone else gives. Look at the tax rates in the socialized medicine countries in Europe and you will begin to see what is really going on. Imagine living in a socialized medicine country where everyone's taxes are 50% or higher, systems which are collapsing under the weight of the uncontrolled immigration of Muslims from the Middle East and Africa because the Muslims have lots of children that must be supported by the socialized medicine and cannot pay into the system because minors (children) have no income and thus cannot pay taxes to prop up the socialized medicine system.

The UK's system has already collapsed. Doctors and medical personnel are opting for the private sector and the UK is begging students to train and choose medicine to prop up the failing system. Nurses, aides, doctors, etc. are in short supply because they are opting for private practice and the money they as medical professionals can command in the private sector. I'm certain Angela Merkel's open-handed generosity when she opened her borders and said "Come on in," to the immigrant horde swarming northward from what Obama called fleeing from Climate Change in their home countries and becoming a horde of anarchists and criminals as they settled into communities that cater to the migrant hordes of widows and children of Muslim refugees straining Europe's failing socialized medical system with their hands out and their murderous Islamic violence intact, hiding the bombs, knives, guns, and Muslim ideology savaging the European population that had taken in their widows and orphans in the spirit of generosity and kindness.

What the news reporters won't show you are the rape gangs out for recruits to their Islamic hordes or the bombings, knifings, and murders that accompany the Islamic hordes (mostly young males hopped up on Islamic hate and convinced that Mohammed was right, that the Muslims (good Islamic young males sworn to the cause that Mohammed set out when he created his religion  and subjugated nearly two-thirds of the Western Christian and Jewish world). It is all about the spread of Islam and jihad, which youngsters are taught from the earliest age. 

Islam nearly conquered Europe in the years before the 20th century and will finish the job if left unchecked. Islam is not a religion of peace. It is a religion of hate and jihad. How is that consistent with the socialized Europe that opened its arms to immigration? Muslims were the authors of Hitler's final solution, but Germany did their level best putting together the Holocaust.  There is nothing like German technology, Hitler's hatred of Jews, and the even greater hatred of Islam for the Jews. In this regard, Hitler partnered not only with Japan and Mussolini, but with Islam to rid Europe of the Jews. Nothing like multitasking to do the job all while stealing as much of what the Jews had accumulated of the centuries to see off to see their nefarious ends paid for.

Well, this has nothing to do with Sue's young relative grieving for her father now deceased. I have suggested Sue's relative ask for a leave of absence and come here to Urbana to grieve and lick her wounds. She would be near family and would be able to grieve and heal for a time while testing the waters and deciding on the next step on her chosen path.

Yes, she has a rough row to hoe, but she will mend and will eventually find her place in the scheme of things -- whether it is here or in Kentucky. She will have the support of her family and that is a good thing.

I have to laugh. The college counselor asked me yesterday what support system I had in place to help me through study and college. I had to answer none. I have no family and no familial support, but that is as it has always been. I don't have the grief Sue's young relative has because this lack Yet I am still here and the depression is gone because I have found the ketogenic lifestyle (often called nutritional ketosis) and depression is far behind me.

BB would not admit that such was the case, but Mom often told me things that she meant for only me to hear, so BB would not know because I wrote it in my paper journals and did not share my depression, sadness, or the abuse I suffered with her. She didn't share with me either. Typical sibling rivalry -- we didn't talk. BB shares her thoughts with our cousin, Laura, and probably commiserates with Beanie and the Mushroom on Messengers or similar methods while at work or by their smart phones.

My once close relationship with Beanie has disintegrated since her marriage to Dan. He knew nothing of me because I lived in Colorado and only new of me the one time Beanie stopped by her (actually his) home when she picked me up and dropped me at a cheap motel in Washington Court House where I stayed until I finally ended up in Rehab and then went to my first apartment on Kingsford in Columbus.

I kept a low profile and upset Beanie who was doing my laundry (incontinence issues) and then dropping it at my motel before she raced home to be with her husband. I saw my nephews (Cody and Ants) once and her stepson, Daniel, also once, but Beanie had her job and she worked full time. She didn't have time for me; she had a husband who needed her and he had forbidden her to waste her energy and time dancing attendance on me.

And so I sat watching TV alone, venturing out some days with a taxi driver I'd made friends with, Joe, who took me by his mother's home to visit her and then took me back to the motel. Joe took me to Columbus to apply for the apartment I eventually got and he went back to Washington Court House to live his life.

Beanie couldn't understand why I didn't check out more apartments. How about because I didn't have sufficient funds to do so?

Carol at least took me to check out Messiah Community where I now live and where I spend time alone, though I will soon be studying to take the CLEP tests (what my advisor calls the Fast Track) to opt out of some of my college requirements. I'll take the exams (at least the English 104 exam) on January 1, 2019 and have been told I will get some of my grant money back to be paid into my account. I will be taking 4 classes: 2 math and 1 criminal justice -- and must pass and so I will study until I take the exams in January. I will do all four and will study from now until then. I only need to pass at 70%, but would prefer to do a whole lot better than that.

I've finished my FAFSA (financial aid forms for college) and I will also get a federal grant because of my Dad's military service -- 22 years in the Army. I'll apply for scholarships and other grants as we go along, but I will do my best to take or get as few loans as possible. I don't want to mire myself in horrendous debt at the start.

And so I go forward. Might still pick up the graphic arts later on or I might just throw my hat into the ring and get right to it in politics. That decision should help with volunteering and working with women and seniors. At this point, I am game for anything.

That is all. Disperse.

Running Out of Options?

Still looking for work. I was just rejected by a company because they rejected me for not following their preferred method of captioning. No conversation. No ifs, ands, or buts. Rejected.

I might have curled up and died or even chalked the rejection of me and my lack of fitting into their employment model because I was coming down with Alzheimer's, but that is not my way and not the way I think. I have been keto for over a year and thus my mental agility is not in question because keto improves the brain. I've also begun sketching and relearning my drawing skills once again. I've started by copying comics because that is easy (sort of) and quickly learned -- at least for me. I have a sketchbook and pencils, but I need a pencil sharpener to put a point on the pencils. I cannot afford a sharpener of any kind because I only have my social security income to live on and right now, though it will increase by 2.8% in January, it is not enough. I haven't finished clearing out all the previous demands on my income from when I had a job and that is costing me $37 a hit and eating into the following month's social security income. No wonder my sisters question me about why I came back to Ohio and BB bullies and bashes me for my spur of the moment choice.

Maybe it was a questionable choice (according to BB), but I didn't want to wait to make the decision and not make the move because it would be better later. I am here and Colorado is behind me. Maybe I should have consulted my sons and moved closer to them, but I doubt the bullying and bashing would not have been any better. They have lied about me for years, telling their side of the story to cover their own tracks -- and I get that, but I would not like begging them for a little money or hoping they will be far more generous than the rest of my family has been. Beanie can be excluded from that generosity because she was generous in the beginning before her husband, Dan, saw me as a negative in Beanie's life and Beanie did not stand up for me. I get it. She was tired and worn out by working her day job, doing my laundry because I was debilitated and incontinent, and she does not consider me a priority or even a family member now that she has her own family -- husband, Dan, and stepchildren Daniel and Jordan.

Maybe I'm being too harsh because the Mushroom and BB let her take care of Dad, driving him to his appointments and visiting him every day because she lived closer to our parents then. That was a job they had always believe I would fill because I had no husband and no children living at home and should've taken care of my parents. That is not what I chose when they told me that was my job when I lived in Colorado. I was not going to finally be admitted into the family and take care of my parents when they, the biological spawn of our mother, decided it was time to do my duty. Nope. No. Nyet. No Way Jose.

Dad died and BB finally took Mom into her own home because she was considered the oldest child. They had already ruled me out and cast me from the family. Sorry that you didn't consider me family member enough until you wanted to foist our parents' care and keeping on me, the adopted daughter, when it came time.

But I have been cast out -- or shelved or whatever you call it -- here in Urbana because it is close to BB's home, except that BB doesn't visit because she works for a living. I don't work for a living because that was taken out of my hands January 5, 2018 when Beanie had me taken to the hospital where I was diagnosed with a laundry list of things that the doctors decided I had but never actually found. I was conveniently shelved and eventually handed with a $12,000+ bill that Medicare has not yet signed off on and collection companies have already been beating at my door in spite of having only my sociable security as one Steven King character called it. 

So I continue looking for a job while being intermittently hounded by colleges and universities dangling federal and state grants while they try to fit me into whatever debt hole they are trying to fill. Sorry, but I won't fall into your trap, not this year, and not this time. I will look for continuing education here in Urbana because I have access to free transport living here in Messiah Community. I wish I had a car, but that won't happen until BB or Crystal or someone will drive me to Stow to get the warrant off my driving privileges, which won't happen any time soon if I have to rely on others for transportation. I cannot afford to pay for a driver because I am held hostage by my lack of income, which is enough to pay for the ever-mounting $37 charges every month, eating up my income before I even get it -- and my bank was closed here in Urbana and the building given over to the City of Urbana for their own personal use. No bank within driving distance and I cannot drive since I don't have a car and don't have the ability to clear my license without a trip to Stow.
If I hadn't been honest with BB and told her I didn't have a drivers license, only a state ID card, maybe she would have relented and let me drive or loaned me one of her several cars. But, no, I was honest and here I am shelved and ignored or forgotten here in Urbana where the possibilities are fast shrinking.
What I really need is enough money  to get clear of the mounting bank charges by a nonexistent in Urbana bank and I cannot ask my family since that would end with bullying and bashing because I left Colorado and moved here to be in my home state near my family which has also disappeared or think about me less often than the copy of Forever Amber on BB's bookshelf.
I suppose I could mount a Go Fund Me campaign but sending money to a senior citizen for food and charges would be met with the same blank stare I get from a photo of BB or Beanie or the Mushroom on the Internet. I could ask my children, but that would be as welcome as a shit storm in the middle of August. After all, why would they help their mother since she is the dregs of the earth according to what I've been told of their lies about me? Probably a snowball's chance in Hell come to that.
I won't beg and I won't ask friends that have become closer than family to me because I'm not done looking for a job. I will wash dishes, bus tables, clean streets, or empty trash. I will do all I can and hope to be paid for it. I started out as a child shoveling sidewalks, driveways, and paths and asked for nothing but what the recipient of my work ethic could or would afford me. I was once paid a whole dime after shoveling front and back walks and the driveway for one old lady and the dime was a shiny silver dime that I pocketed, thanked her, and went to the next person on the street. I enjoyed those times when someone paid me with a home baked chocolate cookie and smiled broadly when someone paid me with folding money.
In a sense, I am in the same position, but I am not a child hoping to do something good for the neighbors. I am a senior citizen who has been ignored, shelved, or cast aside for choosing to leave Colorado and come back to Ohio, a decision I am beginning to regret and question. I am a rootless wanderer who has no family to speak of hoping for a break. What can I do now? I've stopped all pre-arranged charges coming from my meager account and I pray that someone -- anyone -- will see my willingness to work at anything. I can see now that honesty is not always the best policy when honesty can be fashioned into a weapon and used to beat someone down.
That is all. Disperse.