Still looking for work. I was just rejected by a company because they rejected me for not following their preferred method of captioning. No conversation. No ifs, ands, or buts. Rejected.
I might have curled up and died or even chalked the rejection of me and my lack of fitting into their employment model because I was coming down with Alzheimer's, but that is not my way and not the way I think. I have been keto for over a year and thus my mental agility is not in question because keto improves the brain. I've also begun sketching and relearning my drawing skills once again. I've started by copying comics because that is easy (sort of) and quickly learned -- at least for me. I have a sketchbook and pencils, but I need a pencil sharpener to put a point on the pencils. I cannot afford a sharpener of any kind because I only have my social security income to live on and right now, though it will increase by 2.8% in January, it is not enough. I haven't finished clearing out all the previous demands on my income from when I had a job and that is costing me $37 a hit and eating into the following month's social security income. No wonder my sisters question me about why I came back to Ohio and BB bullies and bashes me for my spur of the moment choice.
Maybe it was a questionable choice (according to BB), but I didn't want to wait to make the decision and not make the move because it would be better later. I am here and Colorado is behind me. Maybe I should have consulted my sons and moved closer to them, but I doubt the bullying and bashing would not have been any better. They have lied about me for years, telling their side of the story to cover their own tracks -- and I get that, but I would not like begging them for a little money or hoping they will be far more generous than the rest of my family has been. Beanie can be excluded from that generosity because she was generous in the beginning before her husband, Dan, saw me as a negative in Beanie's life and Beanie did not stand up for me. I get it. She was tired and worn out by working her day job, doing my laundry because I was debilitated and incontinent, and she does not consider me a priority or even a family member now that she has her own family -- husband, Dan, and stepchildren Daniel and Jordan.
Maybe I'm being too harsh because the Mushroom and BB let her take care of Dad, driving him to his appointments and visiting him every day because she lived closer to our parents then. That was a job they had always believe I would fill because I had no husband and no children living at home and should've taken care of my parents. That is not what I chose when they told me that was my job when I lived in Colorado. I was not going to finally be admitted into the family and take care of my parents when they, the biological spawn of our mother, decided it was time to do my duty. Nope. No. Nyet. No Way Jose.
Dad died and BB finally took Mom into her own home because she was considered the oldest child. They had already ruled me out and cast me from the family. Sorry that you didn't consider me family member enough until you wanted to foist our parents' care and keeping on me, the adopted daughter, when it came time.
But I have been cast out -- or shelved or whatever you call it -- here in Urbana because it is close to BB's home, except that BB doesn't visit because she works for a living. I don't work for a living because that was taken out of my hands January 5, 2018 when Beanie had me taken to the hospital where I was diagnosed with a laundry list of things that the doctors decided I had but never actually found. I was conveniently shelved and eventually handed with a $12,000+ bill that Medicare has not yet signed off on and collection companies have already been beating at my door in spite of having only my sociable security as one Steven King character called it.
So I continue looking for a job while being intermittently hounded by colleges and universities dangling federal and state grants while they try to fit me into whatever debt hole they are trying to fill. Sorry, but I won't fall into your trap, not this year, and not this time. I will look for continuing education here in Urbana because I have access to free transport living here in Messiah Community. I wish I had a car, but that won't happen until BB or Crystal or someone will drive me to Stow to get the warrant off my driving privileges, which won't happen any time soon if I have to rely on others for transportation. I cannot afford to pay for a driver because I am held hostage by my lack of income, which is enough to pay for the ever-mounting $37 charges every month, eating up my income before I even get it -- and my bank was closed here in Urbana and the building given over to the City of Urbana for their own personal use. No bank within driving distance and I cannot drive since I don't have a car and don't have the ability to clear my license without a trip to Stow.
If I hadn't been honest with BB and told her I didn't have a drivers license, only a state ID card, maybe she would have relented and let me drive or loaned me one of her several cars. But, no, I was honest and here I am shelved and ignored or forgotten here in Urbana where the possibilities are fast shrinking.
What I really need is enough money to get clear of the mounting bank charges by a nonexistent in Urbana bank and I cannot ask my family since that would end with bullying and bashing because I left Colorado and moved here to be in my home state near my family which has also disappeared or think about me less often than the copy of Forever Amber on BB's bookshelf.
I suppose I could mount a Go Fund Me campaign but sending money to a senior citizen for food and charges would be met with the same blank stare I get from a photo of BB or Beanie or the Mushroom on the Internet. I could ask my children, but that would be as welcome as a shit storm in the middle of August. After all, why would they help their mother since she is the dregs of the earth according to what I've been told of their lies about me? Probably a snowball's chance in Hell come to that.
I won't beg and I won't ask friends that have become closer than family to me because I'm not done looking for a job. I will wash dishes, bus tables, clean streets, or empty trash. I will do all I can and hope to be paid for it. I started out as a child shoveling sidewalks, driveways, and paths and asked for nothing but what the recipient of my work ethic could or would afford me. I was once paid a whole dime after shoveling front and back walks and the driveway for one old lady and the dime was a shiny silver dime that I pocketed, thanked her, and went to the next person on the street. I enjoyed those times when someone paid me with a home baked chocolate cookie and smiled broadly when someone paid me with folding money.
In a sense, I am in the same position, but I am not a child hoping to do something good for the neighbors. I am a senior citizen who has been ignored, shelved, or cast aside for choosing to leave Colorado and come back to Ohio, a decision I am beginning to regret and question. I am a rootless wanderer who has no family to speak of hoping for a break. What can I do now? I've stopped all pre-arranged charges coming from my meager account and I pray that someone -- anyone -- will see my willingness to work at anything. I can see now that honesty is not always the best policy when honesty can be fashioned into a weapon and used to beat someone down.
That is all. Disperse.
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