No, do not go there. I am not planning to become one of THOSE politicians. I plan to be an advocate, looking out for the people who have been forgotten or let fall through the cracks. I will get a law degree and be a voice for those people. One thing I can count on is that my family will not vote for me and probably will not support me; they are too busy with their own lives and working for a living.
I have had my subcontractor's contract canceled by the company I worked for over the past two years. I do not approach college and attending college with the same contempt my employer treated me when they decided I was not producing enough medical documents and thus canceled my contract.
I told them I had not been able to work since I moved back here to Ohio, giving up my yearly vacation to take a bus back to Ohio. My fellow travelers, particularly the men, were kinder than my employer and my family. Beanie decided I was decrepit and past it, but I think Beanie took on too much (out of the kindness of her heart -- while she was working for a living) and decided she was doing so much for me that she had no time left for her new husband. She had decided I was less able to do for myself than I was, although I was weaker than I should be and definitely have been. The gentlemen on the bus were more solicitous and helpful than Beanie was because she had decided what I was able to do, but I could not do the laundry or bathe myself since I was using a walker.
What I really think is that Beanie became regretful of taking care of me. I paid for what she brought in terms of food and clothing. I would have paid for the laundry if she had asked. I could not fold the clothes or do the laundry since I was not allowed to stay with her in her husband's home. I was not welcome -- not by her husband or by her.
Beanie is one of those people who take on too much and begin to regret offering and regret doing things for the other person -- even if they are paying for their own motel and food. Beanie decided I was decrepit and past it. She was wrong. Beanie is one of those people who mean well and then regret doing things for people. I have no doubt she regretted taking care of Dad because she lived closer to our parents that BB and Jimmy did, and they never offered to help or spell Beanie because she lived closer. The resentment and regret settled in and Beanie did her duty by Dad, but she wished she had help from BB and the Idiot. Never happened. They worked for a living.
So did Beanie, but her proximity was stronger than any feelings for Dad or my parents came into the equation. I had earlier told BB and Beanie and the Idiot that I was NOT moving back to Ohio to take care of our parents. They figured I could live with our parents and take care of theme first hand. I am after all the adopted child and should take care of our parents. I did not have a job as far as my siblings could see since I did not work in an office or for the state like all three of my siblings did.
But I did work. That I worked from home -- and had for years -- did not count in their eyes. It was something I could give up to care for our parents and let them do their REAL jobs while I could fill in whenever.
Right!
It did not matter that I had a life in Colorado because they worked for a living. So did I. My work could be done from the comfort of my home as far as they were concerned. It did not matter to them.
I had a real job. I worked regular hours, sometimes all night, and I never got holidays or weekends off unless I traded my vacation for those holidays and weekends. They never did get the fact that I did work and had a schedule to keep. I had responsibilities and all the things they had, but I was not giving up my life in Colorado to move back to Ohio to be their sacrificial lamb, their caregiver for Dad who was dying of prostate cancer and taking care of Mom who was getting older because I was adopted and owed them (my parents and my siblings) my life.
Not happening. I was not their go-for or their sacrificial lamb. I did not owe them my life because my parents chose to adopt me so they could have children of their own. Our parents almost had a daughter and a son, the daughter and son Aunt Edith had promised them, but then Aunt Edit took her children back, depriving Mom of her children. Luckily, Aunt Edith, another of Dad's sisters, was pregnant and she agreed to give them her unborn child (me) and thus I was born and given to my parents (Aunt Anne's brother and sister-in-law) and they adopted me.
Mom never did get over not getting Jimmy and Dixie from Aunt Edith, but she got me. Just before I was born (about a month), Mom got pregnant with BB and had her nine months later, following with the Idiot four years later and Beanie ten years later. Adopting me worked for them -- they got pregnant with their own children, two girls and a boy. If it had not been for me being born, BB, the Idiot, and Beanie would not have been born. They owe their lives to me. Mom developed a mother's instinct when she and Dad adopted me and thus calmed down sufficiently to bear her own children.
But I know better. Yes, adopting me made it possible for Mom to have her own children -- and her boy. The inability to get pregnant had nothing to do with me, except in the sense of a physical disability of having Rh-negative blood being married to an Rh-positive husband. The blood did not mingle. Luckily, BB and the Idiot are both Rh-negative children, but Beanie has the same blood type as Dad, A-positive, and caused problems when she was born, putting Mom at risk because she was still O-negative and Beanie being A-positive put Mom at risk with having a child who was Rh-positive, thus causing Mom to hemorrhage and Beanie's life was at risk because their blood types were incompatible, dangerously incompatible, which had caused the previous miscarriages and the spontaneous miscarriages that led to adopting me in the first place. I had proved my worth and had made it possible for Mom to stop obsessing about getting pregnant and made it possible for her to get pregnant because Mom's psychosomatic issues were put onto the back burner. Like I said, my siblings would not have been born if our parents had not adopted me in the first place. I was the insurance policy our parents counted on to make it possible to have their own biological children.
Now that the biological children have been born, they still see me as the outsider, the one who does not belong in their family. I am the changeling, the trade-off, the one who was bought and paid for and had supplanted their positions in our family. I was the first born. I was first.
I learned the score later. In Mom's affections, I was last. The Idiot was first in Mom's affections, then came BB, and lastly came Beanie for the same reason BB was second in Mom's affections. She may have been Mom's firstborn, but the Idiot was first because he was the boy.
I knew it did not matter that I was smarter than the others (in terms of grades). All that matter was that I was not born a boy. End of story.
I was the insurance plan, the sure thing that had failed to get Mom pregnant, but biology was against her -- and my family did not know that fact. The counted on the mental state that kept Mom from being pregnant as much as her biology did.
It does not matter that Mom got pregnant -- was able to conceive naturally. It did not matter that I was the firstborn or that I made my siblings' births possible by being adopted. It did not matter that I was not the boy that Mom craved; she got her boy later, conceived him five years after I was born. He was named after Dad, though the Idiot would have had to end up with a different name I had been born a boy or Aunt Edith had kept her word and Mom adopt her Jimmy, leaving Jimmy with something else like Cary of Don or whatever. Being older and getting Dad's name, the Idiot would have been left with another name, even though it would not be Dad's name because it would already be taken by Jimmy, Aunt Edith's boy, but I would still have been last anyway. Being smart and having a lot of questions would not have raised me to the position that a boy -- or two boys -- would have occupied. Mom believed boys were better. Another girl was just another girl -- and a smart aleck girl who asked too many questions come to that.
About the only good thing I did, outside of getting better grades and being universally liked by teachers and other people, was asking questions of people who came to give Mom another Jehovah's Bible or another Watch Tower publication. Mom used me to stymy (dumbfound) Jehovah's Witnesses and run them off sooner. I was always asking inconvenient questions, the kind Mom could not answer without reminding me that God's plans and answers were not for the likes of me -- an ordinary person, and a girl.
Mom wanted to show me off -- to demonstrate my talents for friends and relatives to prove she had the best of the bargain -- a child to brag on. I was Mom's insurance on staying in the public eye by having talents, like drawing, painting, and good grades, to prove her worth as a good parent. I was her insurance policy, a policy that would mature earlier than the insurance she and Dad had when they died.
Nowadays, death is not the only way to get insurance. Insurance policies now include Home Shield and Car Shield to ensure the health and workability of your appliances and vehicles. Now that we, the people, want to keep our appliances and vehicles in good working order without the expense of having to pay for break-downs and long time of use out of pocket. Get an insurance policy that will cut the cost of unplanned breakdowns and hard use. In a way, the insurance companies have diversified their portfolios and included other health-related issues that will bring in the money.
As we, the people, move closer and closer to socialist health care, insurance companies will have to find other ways to get their money from us. They will have to branch out into the home and the garage, paying to fix appliances and vehicles since the health care industry will only be available to the wealthy. The wealthy will always have insurance, but the average American will always have to repair their appliances and vehicles, and having insurance that we pay for it monthly or yearly is as ubiquitous as health insurance for everyone else under government funded health care.
Insurance is as necessary as health insurance until the government begins funding the socialist health care system.
Unfortunately, there is no insurance in families -- unless you count unconditional love and care. When my parents died, any insurance I had with my own family died with them. There is the guilt factor where my siblings are concerned -- the kind that comes with empty promises and taking on too much until regret sets in. I will have to do what I have always done -- fend for myself, do for myself. Now that I am back in Ohio and have struck out with old friends -- the male kind -- I am back to where I have always been -- by myself doing for myself by myself. That is why I will take my good will towards others, unconditional good will, and be an advocate to stand for others and give others a voice and remind the rest of the world that they cannot be forgotten, left out, and ignored. I will speak for others and stand for others. I will be their advocate; I will be the rest of the world's insurance policy -- at least as far as Ohio and the United State of America are concerned.
That is all. Disperse.
