Quick shot

If you're in the first wave of people with direct deposit looking for your economic stimulus check to be directly deposited, and you read or heard the government was sending them out as of yesterday, don't hold your breath. You won't receive the letter about your money until next week and you probably won't see the deposit in your account until Friday. I know because I've been looking and, after two days of disappointment, I decided to call the IRS directly. The person I spoke with, operator #1903236, was quite polite but also quite stupid. I told her I knew I was in the first wave. I told her I knew the amount I was getting and that it should be deposited on Friday. I also told her that I read about the early deposit of money and if I could expect to see the deposit before Friday. She parroted everything I said without giving me any new information, repeating, "You can expect your direct deposit on Friday."

"Yes, but that's not the question I asked. I asked whether or not my money would be deposited earlier and how they determined who would get the money before Friday since President Bush stated the money was being deposited as of yesterday."

"You can expect your direct deposit on Friday."

"You didn't answer my question."

"You can expect your direct deposit on Friday."

For that, I listened to Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy" for 15 minutes. Resistance is futile and so is talking to a government automaton.

ADDENDUM: In case you missed the fine print, the economic stimulus package has a proviso in the fine print where most high colonics reside. This money is a loan. The government is robbing Peter to pay Paul, but Paul has to pay the government back out of next year's refund. That's it in a nutshell. This money is next year's refund in advance and we get to pay taxes on it, too, unlike a normal refund.

That is all. Disperse.