It was following the social trends that made the HBO show turn his father into a closeted homosexual who came out publicly just for him. There are a lot of gay men who posed as straight men during the decades in the past. They needed to pass in order to stay in the closet and remain undiscovered.
I am reminded of "Virginia Hams" who had such a deep voice and trotted it out at gay clubs throughout the city. He was just one of many. His mother did not like that he was so out and proud about it. She told him she would have had a size four wedgie stuck in her head if she had disrespected her mother the way he had used her. I'm sure there would have been many grownup children with wedgies sticking out of their foreheads if all the gay children came out and made no bones about it.
My Dad's mother would not have thrown her wedgie at him since she died when he was ten and was not around when he went through puberty. Dad came from Cynthiana, Ohio, a very small town and I doubt that he would have come out in such a place without having been beaten to death for it. I have no doubt that he knew he was that way, but he stayed in the closet. Coming out was not an option, not for him anyway.
Besides, I doubt he was a committed homosexual, but rather a bisexual passing as straight, which is something he had always done. He kept himself to himself and did not parade around or flame like an out and proud queen. Dad had his mannerisms, but he was a man, a good man. There was no loose talk where he was concerned, not that his children or his family knew about. Mom chose him when she met him at age eleven and decided then and there that she would marry him -- and marry him she did when he came back from camp, asked her father for her hand, and married her in their living room. All signed, sealed, and delivered so to speak.
Dad had already walked away from his Japanese lover, leaving his half breed daughter behind. We all knew about his daughter and that she was being raised by her grandparents in the family home. More than that, we do not know, although I am sure I could find out more and write about it. I choose not to.
I wrote to Dad over the years and asked him to record his story, but he refused and I didn't press too hard. I did get a bit of his story, about how he was so poor and backward he went barefoot to school. DAd also told me stories about going to the movies when he accompanied his older brother, Don, to his post near Chicago. Dad hitchhiked back home when he came back from Korea the first time, but that was Dad's way. He told funny stories, but not too much. Dad kept his life close to the vest and did not talk much about his personal life.
Dad had had an affair with a woman when he was married to Mom and she never let him forget it. She punished him for decades. That was her way. She was vindictive and venomous, not to mention full of ego. She was Mom and there was no doubt about it -- or her. Nobody could hold a grudge like Mom could. Dad could tell you about it. He knew first hand.
Mom could be generous, but she would never let you forget it. That was her way. She could be nice, but not without a price. I knew she had an evil side to her. I experienced it often enough. She would pat me on the back -- or the head -- and then slap me right in the face. I never got the compliment without the immediate slap.
Or maybe it was just me that she patted then slapped in the face. She was not a subtle woman. She was as uncompromising as her brother, my Uncle Bob, who did not trust her and complained about how she had forced him out of the family. Or maybe that is his version of it. Who knows? Mom is dead. Dad is dead. Uncle Bob died last year. That is that.
Mom would have wished to be liked, which is why she was so generous. She would keep the price for her generosity to herself, much as Bessie the Bullfrog does. Bessie prefers people to think of her as nice, but she threw my advice (then BE NICE) back in my face. C'est la vie.
Or la guerre come to that.
Whether or not Mom knew about Dad's proclivities, she did not spread them about. That is my job, except that it is not my job. I talk about my life from my perspective. Since I have no relationship with my siblings, it is not strange that my siblings do not know about Dad being closeted. It is something that they would keep quiet about if they did know.
I am not telling this to shock them or hurt them. I am only telling the truth because I am trying to come to terms with it. I have known about Dad's behavior for decades, but it was not up to me to shove him out of the closet. This is all part of my biography and so I talk about it. Dad is part of my life and I knew so in it goes.
The point is that I did not think much about this until I watched the BBC version of "Aristocrats" whether Julian Fellowes portrayed the Duke faithfully because Julian was a bit of a flamer (out and proud). As I said earlier, the UK is out and proud about their homosexuals. The USA is much less so. That was the first time I saw Julian when he was being himself and out of the closet, which made me wonder about the Duke of Richmond.
Homosexuals have been around forever and everyone knew about them. There is this scene in Spartacus where Laurence Olivier informs Tony Curtis of the realities of life. "...Some people like fish and some people prefer oysters. That is the difference.: Olivier was telling Curtis that he swung both ways and he was asking if Curtis was straight or gay. Olivier was deciding whether Curtis was going to be his slave or not. Curtis was not going to swing Olivier's way. His friendship with Spartacus was of the brotherly kind and not the swinging kind. Too bad, Olivier.
I have always known that boys (men) could not grow up without at least one encounter. No doubt, it was the same for Dad and boys of his kind growing up. Or maybe it happened in the Army. Who knows? It happened.
Men have always been of easier virtue than women and took full advantage of that. Maybe that is why men can be so casual about sex in the first place. It all goes into what makes the man prefer oysters as Olivier put it.
Whether Julian portrayed the Duke of Richmond correctly, I found it odd that Julian would take on the role. Julian is, after all, a thespian and was a thespian before he became a screenwriter -- or playwright. Julian as the Duke made me reassess what I thought I knew.
When it comes down to it, whether men are gay or straight, they think about sex all the time. that is a given. Even my brother must do so, whether or not he flies to England over the Christmas holidays. He knows, one way or the other, he will get his wick waxed, which is why he is going in the first place. No doubt, Dad also suffered the tortures of the testosterone, with or without Mom's consent, and so he turned to the closet and let his wrists go limp. Maybe that is why Mom was so adamant about Dad spending time with John in Colon.
John was an expatriate, paid to stay in Colon in Panama by his wealthy mother who worked in cosmetics. John was obviously a gay man and Dad spending time with John was tantamount to an admission of being homosexual himself.
Or not.
There it is -- Dad's extra-martial proclivities. I figured Dad was at best bisexual, but maybe he was just that casual about sex and sexual liaisons. When it comes down to it, it makes no difference to me. Though he was an inveterate gossip, he was still a good man, a very good man. I don't care whether or not he was bi-sexual or homosexual, he was the best man I knew and I love him without boundaries or shaming or anything demeaning. Dad is who he was and I accepted him unconditionally. He is and was my father. He was also my uncle and I loved him in spite of his faux pas. I did not judge him nor did I shame him or expect more of him that there was.
James Cary Cornwell was my father and I accepted him unconditionally. His private life was his own, though I will reserve the right to consider writing about him and John. That is my privilege.
That is all. Disperse.
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