Rest in Peace

I had some really bad news today: Mustang Sally is dead. She died on Tuesday and I did not even know about it until today. I read it in the Obituaries.

Sally had COPD and had been in the hospital for a month before returning here to Messiah Manor. Sally was also on CPAP and had been for quite a while.

I am sad because I liked her so much before she went into the hospital and even sadder when she returned to Messiah Manor because she refused to recognize me or talk to me. I did not know what happened or why she would prefer to go inside rather than talk to me. I still do not know why or how it happened, but she is dead now and I cannot ask her. I did write her a letter and put it in her mailbox outside her door with her name on the front asking why. She got the letter but she never spoke to me again. I do hope she knew how much I missed her company and how much I cared for her and about her.

I do know her older brother, Ted, so maybe I should talk to him and ask him. I am sure he would tell me what he knows about it, but then again I do not want to put him on the spot, especially since his sister just died. Oh, well, I have had my say and I hope she was willing to forgive me for whatever she had decided about me.

No matter. She took her animosity to the grave with her and I will have to live with that knowledge. It is the one thing I never got the chance to sort all this out -- and now I will never be able to sort this out. It is yet another mystery that I will never get to the bottom of nor will I be able to make reparations on. C'est la vie.

I found out that Sally was a year younger than I am, something else I did not know. We hit it off the first time and (or so I thought) I liked her immediately. Sally is still listed in my phone as Mustang Sally just as she was Mustang Sally to me in person -- until recently when she returned from the hospital in Springfield and refused to speak to me except to tell me she would not speak to me and went into the building to keep me from speaking to her.

I do not like issues like this one and I will eventually have to go to Ted, her brother, and ask him to tell me why Sally refused to talk to me again and avoided my company even when I talked to her, saying hello and asking how she was doing. I really hate losing people which is why I contacted all my siblings and left messages on their phones. Even Dick gave in and spoke to me after telling me I would have to wait until she was ready to talk. I waited and eventually we talked.

I was happier than when the Mushroom called me and talked to me, telling me that he had gotten married and that I was not invited. Oh well. Life goes on. There will be bumps and potholes in the road and you get over them, hopefully not losing your gas tank or other parts of your vehicle. I lost a good friend and I do not know why or how and now there is a hole in my heart where Mustang Sally lived and that hole will close up and heal, but I will always miss my friend and will continue to think of her as Mustang Sally.

I miss Sally more than I missed losing my Mom and Dad, even more than missing my siblings. Some people get close to your heart and you miss them when they are gone. No doubt, Ted and his brothers will also miss Sally and they will grieve for her as I do. Maybe one of the neighbors here will take me with them when they go to the funeral on Saturday.

I was lost when Sally would not speak to me and I am even more lost now that she is gone. She was younger than I am, a year younger, but she will not get older and I will miss her more and more as time goes on.

Bless you, Sally. I remember you telling your brother, Ted, that you had to coax me into talking the first time and took you a long time to get to know me. 

I remember what Bessie and Dick told me about getting to know my neighbors -- that I must take it slow and watch my tongue. I made friends along the way and have engaged in playing Bingo and sharing communal meals as I got to know my neighbors. Maybe I should have not been so free with my tongue -- at least where Sally was concerned -- and talked with her the way I talked with Mel and Kenny and the other guys around here.

I sat down and talked with Gerry on Tuesday when we took an art class and I helped him with his perspectives on his wolf for his children's book. I eventually took a pencil and redid his drawing, showing him what I meant by fixing his perspective and where the eyes should go. I also him to teach me blacksmithing -- and he agreed to do so. Gerry is a big robust blacksmith of a man with white hair and a white beard. I imagine Gerry as the blacksmith in the poems I read in my youth with his big, brawny arms, his large hands, and his twinkling eyes as we laughed and joked and talked about art and such. He even drove me home after the class so we could continue to chat.

"The smith a mighty man is he ..."

At least Gerry did not laugh at me when he agreed to teach me blacksmithing. His wife is also a blacksmith.

I also landed an interview with the manager of the Kroger store here in Urbana at noon on Monday. I'm looking forward to that interview because it might end up with me getting a job after over two years without a job. I hope so.

Looking forward, I see a job at Kroger, maybe stocking shelves, cashiering, or working at the deli counter. I will get a discount and have a real job -- very different from my previous jobs in medicine, but a real job. I can walk to work from here and it will take about 20 minutes, but I will be employed again. Or I could end up out at Gerry's learning the blacksmith trade, something that would suit me better where I could get thinner sooner as I swing the hammer repairing horseshoes and such and/or shoeing horses and mules, getting plenty of exercise and build my muscles wielding a hammer. I have so much to look forward to doing -- but there will remain the sadness and ache I feel knowing that Mustang Sally died this week and will never come again.

I miss Sally but I enjoy trading wit with Gerry and learning blacksmithing skills just as I enjoyed teaching Gerry about perspective and art and enjoying talking with yet another polymath. Yes, I am back in society again and getting used to living with other people. I expect I will enjoy life now that I am part of the community and making friends like Gerry and the others. Even Evelyn, a Long Island native who now lives in a nursing home nearby because she has metastasized bone cancer. She prefers to be called Marilyn as in Marilyn Monroe. She has moved out of Messiah Manor and I miss talking to her and going to the Senior Center with her. The senior center is where I met Gerry and where I asked about blacksmithing lessons while I traded my art skills for his blacksmithing skills.

I still miss Mustang Sally.

Rest in peace, Sally. I will see you on the other side. Maybe then we can talk again. I certainly hope so.

That is all. Disperse.