Wednesday, September 22, 2004
You're not safe...
These past few months I have read a lot of journal postings by people enmeshed in untenable relationships. They complain. They moan. They gnash their teeth, but they do nothing about it. They might send a link to a web site or a journal post or even write a letter, but nothing changes for more than a minute. Nothing happens. And still they complain, still they moan and gnash their teeth about their horrible situations.
Guess what? It's time to do something about your situation. No one can do it for you.
If you're unhappy and not getting what you need from your relationship you have two options: get out or shut up and put up with it.
Your friends want to be supportive, but you should not expect your friends to be tolerant and supportive forever unless you do something to change the situation. It's in your hands. Whining about the same situation post after post is the same as standing out in the rain griping about getting wet. Get out of the rain or enjoy being wet. There is no middle ground.
It may seem safe in that little hell away from paradise you have constructed and it certainly is familiar, but it is not safe. Dying by inches is not safe. You might as well climb into your grave and pull the dirt in over you because you're dead. No situation is safe--not love, not hatred, not living. But hell can be really comfortable when you trade happiness for it. After all, who cares about the heat and the darkness when it's something you know?
What does it take for you to do something about your situation? Guts? A fire under your fence? Hope?
You're not safe. Living is not safe. Happiness is not an easy road and it is not safe either. You have a choice and making no choice is still a choice.
If you're unhappy, find what makes you happy and go after it. If you're afraid, forget it. Everyone is afraid. If you're dying by inches, either climb into the grave and die or get up off the fence and live. There is no middle ground. You cannot eat your cake and have it, too. So, get out or shut up and crawl back into the hell you created with a smile on your face and a shovel for the coal to keep it nice and hot. Life will not wait forever. Sooner or later it will give up and move on.