Thursday, September 01, 2005
Want to talk about gas?
I don't mean the intestinal kind either.
...I do have time to give you a look at the new meds coming your way soon.
D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up
to 8 full hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness
by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers
and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,
decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low
IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want
to be a better person. Can we get naked now?
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases
potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember
your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift
the toilet seat.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on
anyone too eager to share their life stories with
total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides
the same irritation level as nagging him.
Now I'm off to take a shower and get my eco-friendly canvas bags to shop for my picnic tomorrow with that special man in my life. Nothing like a little domesticity to get the energy flowing and the creative cooking ideas working. Go have a picnic with someone you love tomorrow. It's good for the soul and for the heart.
That is all. Disperse.