Friday, December 05, 2008

Birthdays, dramas & apologies

Ever feel so far behind you'll never catch up? I'm there.

This week has been busy, to say the least. First of all, I'd like to wish NoCompromises a belated but very happy birthday. Sorry about that, sweetie. You got caught up in my crap this week.

Second of all, in the "it just goes to show you" category, one of my best friends saw that karma does indeed ream with a thorny stick and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Thirdly, I found something strange happening to my left eye. It was a pinpoint of flashing light out at the far corner of my peripheral vision. It was annoying, but also concerning, especially when I called my optometrist and she told me to come in the same day I called, within an hour of my call. Since she didn't like what she saw she made an appointment for me with a retinal specialist the next day. If you know anything about eyes and vision, you're probably beginning to get the same picture I was getting -- possible retinal detachment and blindness in my left eye. I told only a couple people because I needed to talk and I wanted to let someone know that even with the possibility of losing sight in one eye there is an up side, like still being able to see out of the right eye and getting to wear a pirate patch (one of my childhood dreams). The retinal specialist said there was an abrasion on my retina, but not an actual break and no detachment. He also told me the flashing pinpoint of light was an ocular (optical) migraine caused by stress.

About three years ago I started seeing a small jagged edged, rainbow-colored, prismatic dot in my right eye that got bigger, turning into a jagged edged, rainbow-colored, prismatic circle that grew and grew until it was out of my visual range. I told my optometrist and she explained it was an ocular (optical) migraine. I don't get it often and have experienced the phenomenon only three or four times in the past three years. I guess my right eye decided my left eye needed to share the load of stress and the left eye decided that a flashing pinpoint of white light was preferable to the kaleidoscopic light show. I'm a little disappointed because this means I don't get the cool pirate patch, but I'm okay with that.

Unfortunately, because I've been focused on my own situation I have neglected my friends and have gone to bed early several nights this week. I haven't slept much, but I've been in bed by nine each night, which makes answering emails a bit difficult since I don't get them until the next morning. Funny thing is that when people are going through their own situations and dramas they expect everyone around them to focus on them instead of realizing that others are going through their own stuff. They immediately decide that no one cares about them and they unilaterally decide that the friendship is in jeopardy. So, in the spirit of focusing on someone other than me, now that the drama in my life is ended (for now), if anyone feels I have slighted them or ignored them, please speak up now and get your own personal response free of charge.

That is all. Disperse.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Fading hours

There is a melancholy feeling to the end of a long weekend after a holiday and I feel it most today before it's time for me to go back to work in the morning. I want the weekend to last, but like the girl in the fairy tale of the magic wishbone I know that would be a bad idea, or questionable at best.

The past few days have been full of food and friends and time with loved ones that leaves an aching void inside that begs to be filled. It's a little like the sugar rush. First, there's the rush, the sugar high, and then cruising speed sets in, followed by the abyss when the sugar rush is gone and the sluggishness follows and the only thought is getting more sugar. Suddenly, that seems funny -- sugar. When I was a little girl my grandmother used to ask me for some sugar. It was her way of asking for a kiss.

I'm still slogging through the latest review book and it's a tough slog, the book that never ends or gets exciting or interesting. I have to get through it, but all I want is to turn back time to Friday morning and bask in the glow of shared intimacy with my best friend. Those hours fly by all too quickly and when the rosy glow fades leaves me a little sad. But I need to work and so does he and life intrudes and duty calls and there's nothing left to do but focus on the tasks at hand. With that, I leave you to return to my work and slog through the endless swamp of words I need to condense into a 300-word review. Enjoy the fading hours of the last day of November and the rosy glow of dawn on the last month of this year.

That is all. Disperse.