Monday, March 07, 2005
Spring isn't even here yet and I'm feeling the itch, the need to get outside and breathe the fresh air, walk the snowy trails, and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin again. I feel antsy.
I ran some errands earlier today, dropped some books in the drop box at Safeway because I hadn't planned to go to the library, and then changed my mind and headed to the library on the way home. I felt like watching movies. Eyes glued to the movie titles, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and bumped into someone. When I looked up I found myself staring into a familiar pair of deep brown eyes glinting with amber flecks and smiling down at me. "You should have used your turn signal," he said.
It isn't the first time I've literally bumped into him either. He runs the monthly book discussion group at the library. "Is this the only way I can see you?" he asked as he took my movies from me, and put his hand on the small of my back, guiding me carefully thru the stacks to the check out desk. The last book discussion was on The Odyssey and on my birthday, but I was going out of town and didn't make the group. He told me the next book is Machiavelli's The Prince, a book which I have read, but I'm going out of town again.
As I waited for the girl to get the DVDs from the back, he leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Since I'm not going to see you in the group, how about dinner some time?" I smiled at him, scooped the movies into my bag and headed for the door, my cheeks burning. He followed, took my bag, and even opened my car door for me. I felt my ears getting very warm. "How about it? You owe me for bumping into me again."
A few moments of chit chat later he pulled my business card, which he had wangled from the children's librarian with whom I discuss children's horror books, and told me my email address was wrong. I explained I hadn't realized that at the time. He handed me the card and a pen. "Then how about giving me the new one?" He smiled at me again and his eyes crinkled at the corners. I got into the car and mumbled something about getting home. Before he shut my door he said, "At least I know the phone number's good and you look good with color in your cheeks." I drove away feeling very shaky.
He called tonight and we talked for an hour. I didn't recognize the phone number and picked up the phone, half asleep at the time. He's intelligent and has a great laugh. He's single, tall (6'3" tall), with thick dark hair and those deep brown eyes with the amber flecks. There's something about him or maybe it's just spring fever. Then again, it could be nothing more than the one I love is far away and seems uninterested in seeing me any time soon. I don't know.
What I do know is that I enjoyed his compliments and his flirting. For the first time in a long time it was a pleasure seeing the look of desire in a man's eyes when he looked at me. It was a pleasure talking to him and laughing with him. And I'm confused.
Maybe it's just being alone for so long. Maybe it's missing the one I love. Maybe it's just being seen as a desirable woman by a man who isn't afraid or unwilling to let me know he finds me alluring. Maybe it's...