Friday, May 06, 2005


I finally found out why the docs haven't been giving us much work; they've been on strike. And here I thought they were just religious. Not a chance.

There is a disagreement between certain doctors and the administration of the hospitals about doctors cleaning up their files and dictating reports they should have dictated 2-3 years ago. And these educated, schooled and (one would hope) intelligent physicians decided that going on strike and not dictating any reports is the answer. Yes, that's the kind of thinking that made this country what it is today. That's taking responsibility for your actions.

This is an extreme example, but taking responsibility seems to be a disease that no one wants to catch these days. No one is immune, although everyone thinks everyone else should bite the bullet and be responsible. Used to be called passing the buck. Now it's called business as usual.

Responsibility slapped me hard yesterday and again this morning when I realized that certain aspects of my life could be better if I had just recognized what part I played in making them turn out the way they did. I reacted out of hurt and the result is I hurt someone I care deeply about. Didn't realize it at the time, but when I did realize it I knew what I had to do -- give him time to see that I wasn't a raving lunatic. And there are other instances.

A group of friends and acquaintances have reached meltdown and had I been paying attention instead of worrying whether or not I had the right to say anything, it might not have ended so. I was too wrapped up in my own troubles to see they needed me to say something, anything. Doesn't mean things might not have turned out the same way, but at least I would have done the responsible thing and put in my two cents' worth. As it stands now, the rats are leaving a sinking ship and probably don't understand why. Yes, it was fun for a while but the group has turned into a social club and not a group that could and should use their strengths to bolster each other and learn how to work together. They think that different ways of doing things equal different paths when the truth is that we are all on the same path and by working together we all gain strength, knowledge and understanding. I am partly responsible because I didn't speak up; I was too busy and felt I was too far outside the loop to be effective.

Too often we are all guilty of believing that one voice, one person, cannot make a difference and so we watch from a distance or focus in on our own little world without realizing we are responsible for how things turn out. There is not guarantee that anyone will listen or change what they're doing, but there is also no guarantee they won't. Responsibility means taking the chance and speaking up even when you feel like your voice is lost in the storm. The point is that you stood up and said your piece. If only one person heard you and really listened, it was worth the effort.

The lesson for me is to look outside myself and my own problems once in a while and see that I do have a stake in what goes on around me. To put aside my own hurt and listen when a friend is hurting, just listen. To be involved without wondering or worrying whether or not I will be heard. You never know where the wind will carry your words.

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