Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Wasted time

The other night I got a phone call from Mark, he of last year's November weekend visit. I haven't heard from him in six months but he has been busy with his new girlfriend. He told me the news that she wants a long term relationship and doesn't believe in sex before marriage even though she flew him to Dallas to be with her and jumped him five minutes after he got there. I'm not surprised. I told him she might say that it's all right to keep things light and easy and that she won't pressure him but deep down (and not so very deep in most cases) she wanted him to fall for her and want to marry her. To believe anything else is just plain naive. He didn't believe me. Six months later he tells me I was right. I didn't gloat. No need. I didn't win anything or do anything special, other than understanding women and passing that knowledge on. He didn't listen. Now he wants to come visit again and spend another weekend, or maybe a week, and help me build bookcases and a desk for my office. Good thing I have the sofa and chaise, huh? He can sleep out here this time.

I know men, too. Well, I know some men, the uncomplicated ones like Mark. He wants the same accommodations he had last year. Too bad I'm not interested. I like Mark and I enjoy his company and it's nice to know he's available if I want to avail myself of his time and energy, but I'm still not interested. At least I'd have someone to drive crazy during one of my hot flashes but even that's not good enough incentive.

I said I understand some men, and I do. There are, however, men I do not understand. I'm seeing one of them this weekend and it has taken me a very long time to figure him out. He's very much into denial. He denies his emotions and his needs and desires, and he denies anything that makes him feel good. I'm sure he is a little nervous about seeing me after two months, especially since our last major contact was less than genial, but he needn't worry. What's past is past. Neither of us could change what happened even if we wanted to, or had a time machine to take back what has been said. It doesn't really matter. I understand why he acted the way he did and I'm not about to waste precious time dredging it all up and making him explain when I already know what happened and why. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. I want to enjoy our time together and see him smile again. I wonder if he will feel the same way or if he will be so apprehensive he will be unable to put the past and his fears about my reactions behind him. He should. I have.

I don't get angry very often and I never really learned how to stay so angry at someone I would ruin the good times by being vindictive and mean. Don't get me wrong. I could do it, but it would take an enormous amount of energy and time that could better be used enjoying each other's company. I don't need or want that kind of negativity in my life. If talking about what happened and why would make things better, it might be worth the effort, but it still wouldn't change anything. I don't get to see him often enough to want to ruin what little time I will get to spend with him by demanding answers.

People make mistakes and say or do things that might possibly be misconstrued and can lead to arguments or misunderstandings. When a lot of time has passed and friends are finally seeing each other for a few precious minutes or hours, is it really worth wasting the time to go over past events when you could be enjoying the time together? I don't think so. It's all part of living in the moment. Bottom line? I enjoy spending time with friends and I don't get to see some friends often enough, so I'd rather leave the past in the past and simply move forward. Some people will be left in the past, along with the drama and problems, and some people will always be a part of the present, and hopefully the future. He needn't worry about how I will act or what I'll say. He should know by now what that will be.

"Hi. How have you been?" and "I am glad to see you."

We can move on from there. Time and good friends are too precious to waste over things and words you cannot change or take back.

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