Monday, March 19, 2007

Sam 'n Ella

Outside the open windows the city is silent except for the occasional rush of wind that suddenly dies, leaving everything becalmed. Lights, amber, white, sapphire, green and blue, wink in the distance and everything is black. Not even the mournful wail of a train in the distance relieves the night.

I can't sleep.

My mind won't quiet.

Sam 'n Ella still churn in my belly and my head hurts.

The glow from the laptop cannot push back the black night.

I feel lost.

I go to the bathroom but cannot go. I fill a glass of water but do not drink. I go to the kitchen and don't want anything to eat. Out of habit I open the front door and see if there is anything in the hallway, if Nel brought up the mail. No mail. But there is a Nalgene bottle full of flowers wrapped in gay red paper and a card with my name propped against the door. I did hear someone tapping. I thought it was a fever dream.

One month and one day from my birthday, Nel remembers me with a card and flowers and a very welcome gift. I can't face people right now. I'll thank her tomorrow when the sun is up and it seems there are more possibilities.

I have to pull out of this even though I want nothing more than to pull the covers up and chase sleep until it catches me. I have responsibilities. I need... I want...

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