Thursday, December 17, 2009

Is honesty the best policy?

Honesty is important in all relationships, but there is a difference between honesty and emotional dumping.

It's self serving and dishonest to suddenly dump on your partner that you've been unfaithful. If your conscience is bothering you, don't ruin the other person's day or life by confessing. You're only unburdening yourself to make you feel better not make your relationship better. If you got away with it and you feel guilty, do the right thing and make amends, not in such a way that the other person will suspect and corner you about it because that's the same as emotional dumping; you've just put the other person in the position of "forcing" you to confess. It's still emotional dumping.

In other words, pay attention to your partner. Stop being a jerk and let them know you realize how awful you've been and find a way to work and talk things out. Don't confess. Make it better gradually and slowly until you're back where you were in the beginning. Change takes time, so take the time to change. Be honest with yourself and if you need to confess your perfidy, go to a priest or a therapist or shrink and unburden yourself. No one but you will be served by confessing to your partner.

Be honest. Find out what you are and be that. That's honest.

That is all. Disperse.

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