Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Wanted: Mail carrier | JM Cornwell | Blog Post | Red Room

It's no wonder the post office is going broke. I imagine it's because they're paying on a lot of insurance policies from mail carriers being murdered by the people who are supposed to get their mail and don't, or have to use the jaws of life to get their mail out of the box. Whoever decided that bigger was better with reference to mailboxes was an idiot.

For the past two years I have had a running battle with the post office about mail carriers shoving, stuffing, wedging, and otherwise bulldozing packages into my mail box, the one that's half a block away down at the street. I've spent hours over the past two years working wedged packages and crumped, chewed up, and otherwise mangled mail out of the box cursing the mail carrier of the week and vowing revenge. Instead, I call the mail carrier office and ask them again not to put packages in the mailbox, but they persist. I suppose the turnover is too high and the quality of education of the new hires too low to understand that simple request.

I suppose I should be thankful they even deliver the mail, since several times over the past two years they have left a notice saying my box was too full and please arrange to pick up the mail at the post office or request redelivery. I requested redelivery yesterday and was asked if I'd be home. Of course, I am home. I live and work here and am currently not working at all, thank you very much. The supervisor told me they would redeliver my mail that day. They didn't.

In my empty mailbox was a catalog I didn't order along with a notice neatly printed. "Your mailbox is full again. Please go to the post office tomorrow to pick up your mail." In the empty mailbox where I put several letters going, which had been taken, my mailbox was full. Again. And she left a note after I had called and requested my mail be redelivered yesterday. To my house. Where I was at home. Right.

Now I have to go to the post office and pick up my mail If there was another way to get my mail and packages I would. It seems the post office hires people physically unable to walk half a block up to the house and deposit the packages on the doorstep where the mailbox should be. They are physically able to write a note and leave in the mailbox so I can go to the post office to pick up my mail. I'm half tempted to get a mailbox at the post office so I can pick my mail up directly instead of dealing with these idiots, and it also keeps me out of prison for torture, dismemberment, and murder of the constantly changing kaleidoscope of people who play post office with my mail six days a week. I almost wish Clyde has stuck around a little longer, but he got a better route again.

Clyde is the mail carrier who demanded to see my ID when I happened to be on the porch and asked him to give me my mail. Clyde refused to give me the mail until I had gone upstairs and brought the ID back down for him to check. He'd been leaving mail for me in the box or on the bench on the porch for months without asking to see my ID, but he would not hand me my mail without ID. I also had to write, date, and sign a letter that stated he could leave packages and bulky items on the porch when they wouldn't fit in the mailbox. He also had a penchant for leaving notices to pick up mail at the post office, and he threatened to force the landlady to get a bigger mailbox and put it on the street so he didn't have to walk 20 yards up to the porch, climb the stairs, and put notices in my mailbox.

One of my cousins was a mail carrier and he never behaved that way, but he was a decent guy not living by a rule book and growing a beard every winter so he could deliver mail as Santa Claus. He died a few months ago and so did the last mail carrier who understood the meaning of customer service. No wonder the post office is in financial trouble. They're probably paying death benefits on most of the rude, impersonal, and downright stupid mail carriers.

I imagine that people would be lined up around the block waiting to be hired for the post office, but maybe not since the life span is so simple. Then again, what's a little population control by death in the line of duty while delivering -- or in my case, not delivering -- the mail? Talk about your hostile work environment and that's just from the people like me who have trouble not getting their mail.

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