Saturday, September 25, 2004

It's for bombs, too.

During a discussion on the necessity of methane expulsions from man, woman, child, and livestock, an interesting idea was born. My opponent said that methane expulsions were necessary or the entire world would explode with flying body parts. I disagreed. He countered with the fact that decaying meat of any kind exudes an unforgettable fragrance of rot and gases and that without proper regulation flying body parts would soon ensue. I countered with the fact that free floating gas, however distasteful to the uneducated nose, does not cause explosions and only in enclosed containers is flying body parts a likelihood. In that respect alone, he is correct that out is much better than holding it in and flying body parts might well be the result of lack of egress for such methane buildups.

Thus was born the Tupperware bomb. Long known and lauded for it's air tight seal, rotting meat placed inside, appropriately sealed and burped to expel as much air as possible, Tupperware would provide the most effective and least likely detected bomb. Build-up of methane and other gases due to the continued rot of the meat inside, which would be undetectable to sensors and metal detectors. Placed in a likely location, it would explode and provide the flying body parts my friend believed was inevitable with less modern methods.

The Tupperware bomb is also ecologically friendly, although a big enough bomb might trigger a greenhouse effect in isolated locations, which would quickly dissipate once the gases decay and move out on the winds. It would be unwise to stand down wind of such an explosion and unhealthy for any painted surface.

In case of a Tupperware bomb explosion in your area, get as far from the central detonation area and wear nose plugs or gas masks. Those of you who are familiar with the fragrance of an outhouse on a hot summer day when the resident family has eaten too many unripe apples or late season vegetables or other odiferous comestibles, will suffer no ill effects. After all, your olfactory senses are already blunted and somewhat damaged, so sit back and enjoy the fresh country air.

That is all. Disperse.

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