Tuesday, September 14, 2004
So this is what it's like...?
Ever want something so bad until you get it? Something you were willing to sacrifice for, prayed for, maybe even offered the devil a deal for? Me, too. Not what you thought it would be, huh?
I love writing. It's my favorite form of communication, next to person-to-person interactions and the telephone. I've been writing since I was eight years old with a very derivative Edgar Rice Burroughs type girl lost in jungle finds lost civilization kind of story. I won a few awards in my school years and even kept a diary for a while until the contents of that diary landed me in grounded hell far too many times. Then a totally new experience gave my writing back to me and I haven't stopped since.
All I ever wanted to do was write stories and articles and interviews. Now I can. I thought I'd paid my dues, but evidently someone raised the fees because I'm paying more dues in the form of keyword-rich advertising writing, which is about a step above writing punishment on a blackboard about 1000 times every day for weeks. This is what I wanted. The writing life.
But there is a glimmer on the horizon. Seems a fellow writer (although a tech writer) in Brussels likes my romantically twisted mind and hired me to write some soft erotica for him. He's even paying me in advance when I deliver the whole story to the piece I sent as a sample. And there is more work on the horizon from that quarter, which makes me very happy. But there's a catch. Not a big catch, but a catch all the same and he is willing to let some other writer do the task who feels more comfortable with it.
I have to write about two women, take it to the edge and don't spare the erotica. News flash. If you haven't already guessed it because of my chaste and celibate status, I'm straight. Yes, folks, I'm what the gay community calls a breeder...and I have done my share of breeding.
It isn't that I haven't had my fantasies about what it is like to be with a woman, but the key word here is fantasy. I have a very vivid imagination and I know basically where all the parts fit and what accessories can be added...sort of like Barbie and Midge go to San Francisco kind of thing. (Yes, I know it's a stereotype) But I have no actual experience. I know what turns men on and I know what turns me on, but I have no clue what turns two women on to each other since I prefer a partner with are more prominent type of plumbing. I don't know if I can write about two women who are attracted to each other and take them to the bedroom (or kitchen, living room, loft, bathroom, whatever) door and make someone believe it.
I can write about anything under the sun, even things I've never done or tried because I'm a great researcher and interviewer and I have a modest technologically advanced background, but lesbian love? I'd be more comfortable taking two guys down that primrose path. I know what men like and I have lots of gay male friends. We talk. And since we have the same interests (men) I can write about what one man finds attractive about another man.
It wouldn't work for me to try it from the female perspective because I know so little about what turns a woman on about another woman. But I guess I'll give it my best shot and wait for the lesbian community world-wide to shoot me down and tell me to stick to men. Still, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I should learn a lot from this experience. Who knows? I might even learn something about myself. You just never know.