Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Waving the white flag

In voodoo practice it is commonplace to invite the loa, or spirits, to possess you, especially during the dance. The loa are not always benevolent spirits but contain aspects of both the dark and light, like nature. And, like nature, a snake can be poisonous and even deadly, even though they are also powerful totems. They signify wisdom and renewal/rebirth.

I've always liked snakes of the reptile variety. I can't say the same thing for the human variety.

A 'friend' recently contacted me waving the white flag, saying they realized that there will be times we don't agree and that it doesn't have to wreck our friendship -- the same words I had been saying all along but which were ignored and treated as negative until they said them. That seems to be the usual route they take -- ignoring my words and ascribing negative and hurtful ulterior motives...until the words come out of their mouth.

Someone told me this morning that maybe it's because the person lost a friend recently and is reminded of the precious value of life and what they could be missing being around me. Then they warned me to keep my distance. I've accepted the apology in the interest of fairness, but I intend to keep my distance because I don't trust this person's motives. I cannot afford to trust them when I see the same pattern repeated over and over, just as it was when they waved the white flag the last several times.

It's hard to accept and trust anyone who uses every opportunity to take digs and throw in little zingers, like mentioning that people in a group, to which I no longer belong and which they do, had issues with me from the first but refrained from saying so out of deference to them and their friendship with me. This from people who have stabbed others in the back the moment they left the room. "I don't think she really belongs with us" and "He abuses my hospitality and takes advantage of my friendship without caring or realizing that he's doing it" are just two of the comments made about people they are supposedly so close with. I was also informed that the group is far from meltdown now that I'm gone and that they have continued to meet socially and ritually.

Like I said, always the zinger and the dig with the apology.

A comment they made about jealousy was also admitted, but it was put off on others and they then went on to say they didn't understand jealousy, citing an example of a world traveling and very successful person of their acquaintance, as if that made it so simply because they didn't want the same things. I have to wonder if the fangs are not indeed coated with venom. It wouldn't be the first instance of a foe or once-friend waving the white flag just to get close enough to press home the final attack.

That doesn't mean I distrust all white flags, but I do tend to distrust white flags with obvious splotches, blood and dirt on them. One thing I am certain of is that they blow hot and cold depending on their own needs and desires. The 'friend' is nearly finished with a project and needs a professional with excellent skills and a good sense of the markets to work with them. I'm sure they'd be willing to meet my price, but I'm not willing to sell out. Just as I am not willing to take anyone's views of my life and my situations at face value, especially someone who masks himself and gives the exact same view to two other people when it runs counter to their own personal code.

I cannot believe anyone who lurks in the shadows gathering information and evidence and spewing it out like venom for their own personal agendas. I am too wary and wise for that.

It does seem strangely interesting that the friend's MO remains the same: quarrel, deride and denigrate, obsequiously apologize (never forgetting to get in those digs and zingers) and then crawl back for more of the same -- until the next time the moon is full or they're on the emotional rag. I'm no one's punching bag and I have too much respect for myself to allow that loa to ride me or that venomous viper to get close enough to drive in the fangs.

It's one thing to accept an apology from someone; it's another thing entirely to believe they have changed and mean well when the venom is still dripping from the virtual pen. Let's just say that is one dark loa that will not be possessing me -- during the dance or otherwise.

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