Tuesday, June 21, 2005

No stars in this war

I finally saw SWIII a couple weeks ago and I was not impressed. Oh, the light saber battles were good, especially when Yoda battled Palpatine and Ewan McGregor was wonderful, but I do not get the hype about Hayden Christensen. He has two emotions: anger and not as much anger. He scowls, supposedly an indicator of intensity but it looks like he is having a big problem moving his bowels. He does rage really good but Lucas really fell down the well on this one. Maybe he phoned it in from his jet or wrote it in his sleep. He was certainly asleep at the wheel because Christensen needed direction and got none. Oh, and Padme's gown must have been very uncomfortable to sleep in, what with the huge pearls loops from the bodice and hanging down her arms. Sort of like sleeping with a ring of rocks digging into your arms and back. Reminds me of the Princess and the Pea. Guess Padme wasn't really royalty after all. She was tough as nails on the skin, but not where it counted.

The whole movie suffered from a lack of direction. It did tromp forcefully forward on Stormtrooper jack boots through some pretty spectacular special effects, but the real effect, other than lamely tying up all the loose ends to explain Darth Vader's hermetically sealed black garb and ventilator-dependent wheezing, should have been a real understanding of why Anakin turned to the dark side. Sorry folks, but Palpatine wouldn't have seduced me to do anything but laugh at his feeble attempts to show the power of the dark side. The only thing Palpatine showed me was the power of disgust and the slightly gray side. Anakin was a real pushover. Too bad he wasn't a female. He could have serviced the clones and had more fun. Might have helped with his emotional constipation, too.

That is all. Disperse.

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