Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Yarg days

I'm having one of those days when I cannot concentrate, when I want to write and run and walk and get out of here. Cabin fever in December? Or something else? I'm fidgety and antsy and I want to do something, anything, but work.

Earlier today an acquaintance told me I need to do something with the relationship corner in my house. Wha!? Feng shui is what she meant. I know vaguely about all this, but relationship corner?

The way she explained it I suddenly realized there was no wonder my relationships are all over the place. My laundry is in that corner and it's spilling out of the woven African carry basket that I use for a hamper. Makes sense. But I had to check it out for myself. According to my search the southwest corner of my apartment is the relationship corner. I had to go look. The SW corner of the living is bare with a few cobwebs festooning the space between the window sill and the corner of the entry into the kitchen. She said I should put a picture of a couple in that corner. The search info said put something red, pink, and/or white in that corner, but go easy on the red because it means passion AND anger. I'm not into pink, although one of my close friends decorates everything in pink and green. Nothing like Pepto-Bismol and bile. Yuck!

Okay, so I called B&B and asked if they had a picture of a couple I could use to hang in that corner. I could put my parents' picture there, but I don't want the kind of relationship they have where one of us is slightly deaf and ignores what they can hear and the other is a shopaholic with a jewelry addiction who yells, gripes and criticizes all the time. I could put a picture of one of my sisters and her latest beau, but that changes from hour to hour and I'm not sure I want to even think about keeping up with her pace. I could put a picture of my brother and his wife up there, but he's completely oblivious to everything and his wife is gone most of the time. Not my idea of the perfect relationship. Then there's my other sister and her husband and I don't even want to go there.

My grandparents, when they were alive, had an interesting relationship -- and separate bedrooms. That wouldn't work for me either. Princess Diana and Prince Charles would be a very bad choice since she was bulimic when she was alive and is now dead and her husband is with a horse-faced wench who is also divorced from her first husband. I'm already a two-time loser and I don't need any more help in that area.

Looking over all the relationships I know about, very few of them work. Husbands bury themselves in work or hobbies or chores around the home -- or internet porn -- and wives shop till they drop, grow to the upholstery on their couch while they watch endless rounds of Oprah, Phil, Sally, or whoever is the current talk show host flavor of the week. Celebrity couples lie and cheat and most old couples are minus one. I want a plus one.

I could paint something myself, a silhouette of a happy nondescript couple gazing into each other's loving eyes while the sun comes up around them, but somehow I doubt fantasy will make my relationship corner any less empty. But I think I have the perfect couple.

A pair of falcons or eagles. They mate for life, have unbelievable high flying acrobatic sex, and never look at another falcon or eagle with lust in their far seeing eyes. But I wonder if that will bring a falcon or eagle to my door and into my life. I don't know if I can handle interspecies dating and mating.

Maybe I'd better move the over flowing basket of dirty clothes into that corner. That's the good thing about dirty clothes -- there are always more of them to be added. And a messy over flowing love life is better than no love life every time.

Back to work.

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