Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Think you know me?

I have a chakra cleansing and balancing box I bought at the metaphysical fair a year ago September. I had loaned it to Nel because she needed it for help with her headaches and none of the tests she had undergone (MRI, CT scan, etc.) had shown any physical problem causing her pain. The box helped. Nel gave the box back to me the day before my mother and sisters came over to have me fix the salmon patties Mom had been talking about for weeks. I had showed it to Beanie earlier and explained how it worked. Beanie couldn't get the pendulum to move so I checked the state of her chakras and then did the balancing and cleansing while she inhaled the special oils made for each of the seven major chakras.

When Mom and Carol came over the next day the box was still out on the coffee table. Mom wanted to know what it was and Beanie opened it up and showed her, explaining what she remembered and asking me to fill in the blanks. I was a little apprehensive because Mom is such a hard line Freewill Baptist and the whole idea of chakras, etc., is pagan. Mom couldn't make the pendulum move either, so I showed her how it worked. She was fascinated. I was surprised, more surprised than when she commented on how much she liked my pentacle necklace with the amethyst in the center, a necklace I don't take off. I thought I knew her, but I realized that you cannot ever really know anyone completely.

People change. Ideas about religion and politics and even life change as we experience more, learn more, are exposed to more. Narrow views get narrower out of fear of losing touch with the realities that keep people anchored to a world they know, one that makes sense, and sometimes narrow views are widened and allowed to change and grow as we change and grow. By being open about my beliefs and my life, despite some reticence on my part to tread softly on dangerous ground, my mother has opened her mind just a little bit.

There was a time when I was afraid to acknowledge my beliefs or my lifestyle because of the punishment and censure that would certainly follow. I gave that up a while ago. Like Peter who denied Christ three times before the cock crowed (yes, I know about stuff like that) I denied my beliefs, beliefs that are a big part of who I am and what I believe. My denial wasn't verbal but silent. I wouldn't say anything that would give me away to my family or people who might judge me and call down the wrath of heaven, denial by omission. I talked about my faith with like-minded people and those who recognized me but not with people in my life who mattered to me, and the people who mattered to me didn't know me. I didn't allow them to know me. I hid behind silence. I don't hide anything about myself any more. I want people to know who I am and to have no illusions, and I have found that the people who matter to me still accept me despite my differences.

It is doubtful anyone will ever truly know me inside and out or that I will know anyone else that way. At least people will get pretty close to knowing me well because I no longer hide behind silence or in groups of like-minded people. I am an open book to anyone who takes the time to read.

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