Saturday, November 04, 2006

In hell

I have read literally hundreds of books and reviewed nearly as many but I can usually find some redeeming quality or feature that keeps the book from being truly awful. Not this time. The book I'm currently slogging through is an example of what not to do when writing a novel. It is the worst piece of garbage I've ever read and I need to find a professional way of saying simply, "This one sucks".

I don't usually look for information on publishing houses but I decided to break with habit this once because I could not imagine a legitimate publishing house buying and producing this one. A legitimate publishing house isn't responsible for this one. It's self published. That doesn't make a difference in my estimation because some excellent and truly noteworthy books have been self-published: all of Mark Twain's books and The Celestine Prophecy (before it was featured on Oprah and bought up for a mind boggling advance), as examples.

I am truly in hell. I have to finish this book this weekend and write the review but I also have my own writing to do and it has never taken me this long to read a book. I've been working on this one for five days and it's not getting any better. John Grisham may have been turned down by umpteen publishers before his first book was published, but he had something worth fighting for. Even in the world of the Old Ones this book would not be considered literature and the Old Ones would have destroyed the author for screwing up even their twisted and arcane sense of reality. If I were the kind of person who read the first few pages of a book and a synopsis and then wrote the review, I would, and I'm sorely tempted to put this one down and burn it after reviewing the half book I've read. Too bad I'm not unscrupulous. Being professional truly sucks sometimes; this is one of them.

That is all. Disperse.

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