Bounced checks

When a writer begins a story, play, teleplay, book, or series, the writer writes a check, a promissory note, that will be paid in full during the course of the work. I remember hearing that if a lead pipe (or other prop) appeared in Act 1 Scene 1, it had better be used by Act 3. The same is true for books and stories. If a writer introduces a character or a other plot point, the writer had better make it good, sooner rather than later.

I finally finished A Dance with Dragons by George R. R. Martin a couple weeks ago. I really like George's writing and enjoyed the journey but felt, as many other readers have, that there was no forward movement. I even discussed this with one of my like-minded best friends the other night, and she said that George had written more checks than he had cashed throughout the series. Now I hear that George is writing a sidebar about the first Targaryeans to hit the shores of the Seven Kingdoms. While all that is well and good, where is the end to the currently 5-book and counting series of The Song of Ice and Fire?

One of the biggest checks George wrote was the white walkers. Although there have been glimpses of them and talk about them, how many of you have read anything about the white walkers -- or the coming of winter, outside of the numerous references to the cold? The white walkers are supposed to be dangerous, to be the reason the Wall was built and manned, and the whole point of the Starks' words of "Winter is coming." There have been references to long winters in the past and the current crop of children and some adults are referred to as the children of summer, but where are the white walkers and why has George gone through five very large and wordy tomes without showing them?

The wildlings are running scared from them, scared enough to assault the wall in an attempt to get on the other side of it. They're not after plunder. They are running terrified. The dead walk but no white walkers have been seen clear and in focus or in force and there is no hint of when or where they will be appearing. That's a major bounced check.

And there are others, the biggest of which is why is Danaerys still fooling around in playing mother to slaves when she should have marched north and taken sail for the Seven Kingdoms, her rightful domain? She was all hot for it when she was married to Kal Drogo and pregnant with the Stallion that Mounts the World, but now she's wandering in the desert and there is no talk of heading north. I had thought by book 5 there would be some movement toward the ports to buy ships and head north with her slaves and dragons, but . . . nothing. Another bounced check.

I can understand why so many fans have been outraged and giving Dance poor marks. It's not the writing because that is as good as George gets. It's the lack of forward movement. It is what the negative comments have made issue over: "Nothing happens." That's not quite true. A lot happens, but none of it advances the story or hints at a light at the end of this really long and action packed tunnel. No forward movement is what they really mean and it is another bounced check.

As an editor, I'd have to say that A Dance with Dragons needed to be pruned and a whole lot of wasted space thrown out. We don't need to know about every time someone went to the bathroom or what they wore. We need to know when the white walkers are more than a myth or scary fairy tale to make children hunker down under the furs and when this battle will be enjoined between dragons and the coming of the winter with no end where the white walkers will walk in truth instead of in hearsay.

For all I know, Dany is waiting for a ride. But, wait, she already got one. It burned her clothes and skin and all her hair off, but she has a ride. She needs to stop playing waiting woman and be action woman with dragon and get the hell out of harpy territory with her forces intact and move north to the Seven Kingdoms, which are currently being torn apart by Lannister & Company.

For all of George's brilliant scenes and good writing, there needs to be some money in the bank to pay off all those bounced checks. I don't think readers will wait impatiently for another ponderous tome with no forward movement and no sign of pay off. I stopped a little past midpoint in Dance because I was a bit disgusted with the endless minutiae. Even the best written story has to have a point and I think George has lost sight of his point -- or points. A sidebar about the first Targaryeans could wait until after we have achieved the goal promised in the first book, A Game of Thrones. How about it, George? Is there an end in sight or should we write off those bounced checks?

Are We There Yet?

I had to take a break from reading A Dance With Dragons and pick up something else. In this case, it was Terry Pratchett's Pyramids. Yes, I'm still reading Pratchett since I recently discovered him. I'm now working my way through from the beginning, no matter how much I want to skip down the list and get to Going Postal. I've seen the movie, and it was good, but I want to read the book, too, which brings me back to George R. R. Martin.

I wasn't halfway through A Dance With Dragons when I began to notice I was leaning forward as though trying to make a slowing vehicle keep moving, preferably faster. It didn't work. I had to stop and pick up something else.

It isn't that I don't enjoy the different birds' eye views of what is happening in Westeros and across the Narrow Sea, but that the story should be further along. I also just want to slap Danaerys Targaryen (do Dothraki have last names?) because she has turned into a whiny, indecisive, and utterly boring character afraid of her own shadow and second guessing everything and everyone. She has become weak where before she was a force to be reckoned with. Now she is just puling.(Spoiler alert!)

Puling. Now that is an interesting word. It's another word for whining and whimpering. Okay, so one of the dragons has eaten a child so you lock the others up and keep them chained in the deepest dungeons. Is that fair? They didn't flame and eat a child. They stuck to sheep. There is no reason to believe that Drogon did it on purpose. Well, he had to do it on purpose since he ate the child, but not with malicious intent. For all you know, she was dressed in sheepskin and looked like a tasty sheep. Dragons have to eat, don't they? That's no reason to chain the others in the dungeon and stop visiting them. Dragons are intelligent. Train them and they will obey. You are the dragon mother after all. But I digress.

The whole point is that A Feast for Crows and A Dance with Dragons could have been combined in a much smaller book and the story advanced. The fourth book should have been the end of the story -- or at least getting closer to it than it is now. It's time to bring things to a head and close it down. If George wanted to write more, he could do anthologies of stories from Westeros with the characters he has introduced and even create some more, but this series should be done by now.

I'm a writer and I certainly don't like people telling me how to write or what to write (except for my editor, and I reserve the right to disagree on issues of plot and story lines, and the occasional comma, but never about grammar). The problem here is that a series should end at some point, but not like Peter Danielson did in his Child of the Lion series where he screwed with history and time just to keep the same players and their offspring playing in the same field instead of the hundreds of years that passed in real time. That's why I gave up the series. As much as I liked Shobai and his brother Hadad's children, and the whole children of Cain series, I couldn't get past the time thing. Danielson wrote 19 books in his Child of the Lion series; is George Martin aiming for the same number of books? If so, he's going to have to move the story forward faster. At least in Danielson's books, the story moved quickly and something happened in every book to advance the series. With Martin, not so much. It feels like treading water in a drying mud pit.

That is not to say that I don't enjoy all the points of view or the story (what there is of it) but that I want the story and characters to actually move forward. The White Walkers haven't been mentioned in ages and haven't made an assault on the Wall. It is as if the White Walkers have stopped being a threat, what with all the resettling of the wildlings and such. George seems to have lost the thread and is wandering around trying to tell too many stories without advancing the plot, which brings up the question of when is a book done? 

I've asked that question with every book and story I've written -- or began to write. When does it end? When is the story done?

The answer in one case was never since I had no middle, only a beginning and an end. I had fleshed out the characters and got caught up in the relationship of the characters without having any idea what the middle of the story that took me to the end (girl gets boy) really was. I shelved the book, and rightly so. I didn't have a clue what the story was about, just an idea and something I wanted to say. I knew I'd lost the thread after about the 5th or 6th chapter and decided it was enough. Time to shelve the book. I had some great scenes and wonderful characterizations going, but no story. It was time to shut it down.

It feels like Martin has the same problem. He's become mesmerized with telling so many points of view that he has lost the thread of the story and the initial impetus to get going. That doesn't mean he doesn't tell a great story -- or at least he usually does -- but that he needs to get back on track, focus, and get moving on the main event, which is the coming of winter and the White Walkers and bringing Dany to Westeros with her dragons ready to fight and take back the iron throne from the Lannisters -- or rather from Cersei Lannister, if she gets to live now that she is in peril of her life from her actions. (I haven't finished Dragons yet, so I don't know whether she will call on ser Gregor Clegane from the pit or if Jaime will at last be able to fight with his left hand and win the day for his sister, lover, whatever.)

It is so easy to get caught up in telling so many different stories in a series that you lose focus and the point of the main story, which is to make good on the promise of the first book, the very first words. If a writer cannot maintain that focus and keep moving forward, it is far too easy to get lost. Don't want to kill all those wonderful darlings, and yet the writer must if he is to keep his audience and not coast on his laurels.

With series books, and even with trilogies, there is at least a year wait between books and, while this seems not to be a big deal, for those who began reading when the series began, to have to wait for so many years is asking a bit much, especially when there is an 8-year gap between the first 3 books and the 4th. I don't think I want to wait around another 8 years for the next book, and I doubt the 4th book would be out if HBO had not decided to make Game of Thrones. George wants to see the whole story told on the screen, and so do the fans, but what if the series doesn't pan out? What if it becomes too costly to continue making the series? Will HBO cancel it before we get to the part where the dragons reach Westeros and battle with the White Walkers and winter is joined? Will George ever finish the series?

Too many questions with no answers as yet. So far, we have season 2 of Game of Thrones and season 3 has been promised, and is likely now getting ready to film, but that's no guarantee of season 4 or the finish of the story.

A word to the wise. When a story begins to pall and you're treading drying mud, it's time to reassess what you have. If it's a story where the middle can be found and put in (not possible with my aviatrix and her lost aviator love in enemy hands) or the main thread can be found and followed to its inevitable conclusion (whatever that will be), then get busy and get on with it. If not, it's time to consign the story to the shelf. It's time may come, or it may not, but at least there are more stories to tell.

So, if I had any advice to give George (and who does not?), I'd say get back on track and save all these little stories for an anthology of stories from Westeros -- it would sell millions -- but get back on track and finish the story you began in A Game of Thrones. It's time to kill those darlings (or save them for an anthology) and move along or a lot more people are going to be puling, "Are we there yet?" And that's no good for anyone.

Now Presenting . . . Who?

It never gets easier this whole networking, socializing to sell books thing. I wonder how authors did it a hundred years ago, two hundred years ago? Oh, right, people bouught books, read the books, talked about the books and more people bought the books. Of course, there weren't millions of people writing millions of books then. Only a few ever got through to the gatekeepers. The few who could afford it and paid to have their own books published had some success, depending on how good the books were. That's the real trick. Not socializing or networking but writing really good books.

I read George R. R. Martin's Live Journal blog and I was struck by the surprise that he is having such success now, especially since his ice and Fire series has been out since 1996, except for the new one coming out next week. A Dance With Dragons took about eight years to write and finish. George admits he's a slow writer and doesn't do deadlines very well.

George garnered a lot of fans, as he should since his Ice & Fire series is amazing. The writing is accessible and not overdone or heavy with description, although there is sufficient description to put you right in the action at the right time and place. Each character is unique and flawed in some way, but eminently memorable, from the Imp (Tyrion Lannister) to Eddard Stark, Jon Snow and Danaerys Targaryen and Khal Drogo. The books have been translated into several different languages and Vietnamese may be next. What George has created in Winterfell and the world where it is set crosses all boundaries and touches something inside us that believes in magic and demons and in the strength of men and women to combat anything that comes down the Kingsroad.

A recent article cited sales in one day that exceeded all of 2010 before HBO picked up the series and shoved the series to the top of all the best seller lists here and abroad. I wouldn't mind selling 40,000 books, but I'm new at the game and don't have George's track record in movies, television and books. I'm working my way up, but I do wonder what it would take to get people talking about my book the way they talk, dissect, and love George's books. Probably stop writing about relationships and the evil that men and women do in the real world and take the same elements and place them in a world of my own creation like Middle Earth and Westeros. I love fantasy and dragons and everything that goes with them, but find it difficult to write fantasy. I work best in the real world where the harms we do each other are next door and the next town over. I'd do well to create a world, set the rules and let my imagination run wild -- right after I finish the current trip into Victorian England where Jekyll, Hyde and Jack the Ripper put Whitechapel and serial murder on the map.

There is a world -- this world a few hundred years hence -- that lies under the curse of man's technology and Mother Nature's ire where vampires rule, not the vampires currently known and written about, but vampires of a different breed at war with each other and king of a world locked beneath dark skies where the sun doesn't shine and glaciers creep ever closer to the equator. It is a world where domed cities protect the ragged remnants of humanity cloned to near extinction, a shadow of itself, and ruled over by vampires who breed the humans for food and to run the machines their ancestors built.

The mother lode of humanity's best and brightest live underground safe from the ravages of nature, nurtured by vampires who archive their memories and protect what the shadow humans in the domed cities can no longer remember after generations of cloning. The underground humans and vampires protect technology, books and memories of what went before, what caused and perpetuates the season of Ragnarok that reigns on the surface, and these two worlds are about to clash over the precious seeds of life as it once was left behind that will soon be resurrected as the world rebounds and begins to bloom again. Memory will guide the way.

If I'm very lucky, then the novels I write, in the real world and in a world of fantasy, will start the buzz and word of mouth will sell 40,000 or more books. It's my dream, and one that isn't out of reach -- so far. In the meantime, I need to work more on socializing and networking because I'm not sure I could handle any more book signings where no one shows up or a dozen people stop by on their way up the aisle to join the hundreds waiting to see the author of Clifford the big red dog's adventures. George can tell you how that one goes. There's nothing like holding a book signing where everyone forgets to come.

Now, about that socializing. Do I really have to? Can't someone just start talking, someone with a big mouth and a bigger audience full of big mouths? I can only hope.