We are all Prejudiced

Photo by Stephen Melkithesian

I often think while I'm playing a mindless game and I realized that prejudice isn't about black or white, it is about the face we see in the mirror. We think that people that are different from us is the problem. That's wrong. The problem begins and ends with us. We are the problem. Prejudice and racism begin with the mirror, begins with us.

The face that looks back at us from the mirror makes it okay pretend for others like us to make mistakes as long as they are willing to say it out loud. I think that is why my father's hidden prejudice was so devastating to me because I grew up thinking he was not prejudiced and he was a fair man. After all, he accepted all people as they came and judged them on what they presented to us. That is why I was behind my Uncle Bob's open prejudice. He spoke up and told you to your face he was a racist. But that was not the problem, nor was it a problem that my father was racist. The problem was that he hid in plain sight, that he spoke the words of moderation and equality; he was actually a racist like my grandfather and every other Archie Bunker type racist I realized that I had been prejudiced all along.

I said the words. I espoused equality. I opened my arms and what I thought was my heart when I was as prejudiced as my Uncle Bob who said the words and would admit no black people into his home (like Mom) or into his heart. I realize that I am as closeted as my dad and every other racist person who pretends not to be racist. We are all in the closet and we say the words and we make the motions, but we are not free of the taint of prejudice. We are all racist in our heart of hearts, just like I am racist in my heart of hearts. Racism goes bone deep. Always has and always will be.

We will make allowances for those who are not like us, those who do not realize that racism is as endemic as the color of our blood, tissue, and ... ultimately sin color... because we haven't faced up to the facts.

Maybe racism began as a survival instinct. By that reasoning, that is why Islam and Mohammed have reached so far into the heart of this planet, this world. Islam is as closeted, and hence Mohammed, as a homosexual pretending to be straight. Of course, Mohammed was a twisted dwarf who fashioned his god to look as twisted and deformed as he was. That is a twisted and deformed way of thinking ... and believing.  We are all twisted and deformed when looking out of the eyes of Mohammed as he looks from the mirror of his soul and sees himself (or at least as he sees himself) to be. No wonder Islam forbids the believer to deviate from Mohammed's words as written down in the holy book, the Quran. That is why believers must say the words exactly as he inscribed them without deviation. How else could Islam have crawled from the depths of his deformed and twisted mind in the Middle Ages (1400+ years ago) into the modern world in the 21st century? Mohammed's twisted and deformed thoughts are squirming and deforming out modern minds because Mohammed decreed (as a commandment from the universe's GOD, Allah) it.

In Allah's words of course.

The problem lies with the mirror, the image that we see and that we believe is right above all others -- our own reflected image.

Photo by Stephen Melkithesian

We are not dealing with a rational mind -- especially in the case of Mohammed. We are dealing with the twisted and deformed utterings of an epileptic who had seizures and wrote his twisted and deformed thoughts into the Quran. The Quran is a holy book given to use through the medium of a twisted and deformed dwarf whose mother died when he was six and from out of the covering shadow of his mother's untimely death when he was tossed into the world grieving, twisted, and deformed. He was intelligent enough to figure out that a moon god in the pantheon where he had his brilliant epiphany that a forgotten moon god was the Ruler of the Universe, a GOD for all that he saw and codified in his holy book and thus GOD's utterances as he wrote them down while patterning his religion after the only religion in the world -- Judaism.

When Mohammed didn't get the seal of approval from the GOD OF THE JEWS, he decided to cover his backside by declaring that all believers in the GOD OF THE JEWS (Jews) had to be destroyed, annihilated, wiped out of existence because they had the effrontery to deny HIM (Mohammed) the stamp of approval he should have had because he was Allah's anointed prophet. How dare they? They must die. They could not be allowed to taint his holy visions with their ignorance and refusal to grant him the seal of approval he so desperately wanted -- and needed. How dare they?!

Much like Hans Christian Anderson's tale of the foul mirror that the demons carried up to place in front of God's throne to show him the foul warped mirror image dreamed up by Satan in his noxious dreams before they broke the mirror, the shattered foul mirror Satan devised broke into a billion pieces and warped that lodged in Kay's eyes and heart sending him into the Snow Queen's clutches to while away the endless hours in the freezing cold of her ice palace attempting to place the ice shards into the word eternity. Eternity is what Mohammed has damned the ardent followers of his warped and twisted religion, just like Mohammed damned his followers to fashion out of ice shards the word eternity. 

Eternity is what the Muslims will serve as they follow their prophet, Mohammed, into hell.

I would have followed Mohammed's warped followers into hell as well if I had not realized that racism begins and ends with the mirror -- a normal mirror not warped by the nefarious design of Satan. I am warped by my own imagination and my own closeted beliefs and feelings, not the warped design of my own fashioning. I am a racist.

There. I said it -- or at least wrote it for all to see and realize that I have finally admitted the truth, the truth that was denied by my father's own hidden truth -- he was a racist -- just as I am a racist.

Uncle Bob said it out loud. Dad refused to admit it out loud -- even to his own children -- he was a racist just as I am a racist. I am imperfect. I have always been imperfect and I am still imperfect -- at least to this point where I put it out into the world that I am a racist. 

I realize now that the only reason I tolerated my Uncle Bob's racism (just as I accepted Archie Bunker's racism because it was delivered in the form of comedy) is because Uncle Bob, like me, was white. He looked like the image I saw reflected in the mirror of my soul. That image accepts all things, even the warped and deformed, because he looked like me: he was white.

That is why I accept all things, because they look like me or are white.

That is also why I accepted the warped and deformed utterances of my mother because she was white. 

I fought her tooth and nail even though she was white because she was a racist. I accepted Dad's perfidy because he never said a thing. He said all the right things. He did all the right things. He was kind and generous and accepted all people; he couldn't be a racist.

Well, that is wrong. He was a racist just as I am a racist -- or was until I realized from where I was coming. All things are acceptable as long as the mirror reflects what you see as being just like you. That means the same is true, not only of me, but for all people. The mirror image you see makes everything acceptable.
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If you are black, you will accept all things because you see black in your mirror. That makes all things acceptable as far as you are concerned. Everything else is all right for you because it is black -- or red -- or yellow -- or purple with green polka dots -- because the image you see in the mirror is the same as the one looking back at you.

I apologize to all the wrong-headed people I criticized before I realized that I was a racist, too. I was wrong. I hope I am putting that wrongness right at last.

I was wrong.

I realize that now.

I apologize to all people (red, yellow, black, and white) for seeing you as wrong. I was wrong.

We all are wrong ... just not as wrong as a twisted and deformed dwarf like Mohammed. 

That is why I reject Allah and God and all forms of gods and why I am an atheist. I realize that we are all wrong because we cannot see or comprehend the reality of the universal being at the heart of all things. We can see and imagine a being at the center of all things, but we cannot really comprehend such a being because we are finite beings and, though we have a creative and vast imagination, we are not THE UNIVERSE'S GOD.

We are finite. We are human. We are wrong.

We are OH SO WRONG.

Here's hoping that we will finally realize that fact and not push our warped and deformed religious utterances on others.

I recently saw a documentary on how China deals with Muslims and Mohammed's followers -- they indoctrinate the Muslims and teach them  (brainwash them). I deplore using such methods on people, but hasn't Mohammed been indoctrinating his followers with their five times daily prayers? Where Mohammed succeeded with his CYA methods, warped and wrong-headed as they were and are, they and he has succeeded. He has demonized the Jews. He has brainwashed children and millions of believers in Allah. He has warped and deformed the mentality of the populace for over fourteen hundred years. He has obliterated and annihilated common sense and thinking/evolving for yourselves. He has set the course for Satan in his warped and deformed imagination for all eternity. He has placed the planet on course for destruction.

And he (or at least Allah in Mohammed's diseased imagination) has set our feet on the wide road into HELL for eternity (where we will remain for all time).

We will have no chance to free ourselves from ultimate destruction and will end up in Paradise or hell unless we examine our hearts and turn away from the abyss.

And yet we cannot because Allah declares it so (as Mohammed has writ).

That is all. Disperse.

Time = Patience and Wisdom

One thing that getting older and unemployed brings is patience. If I didn't have sufficient time I would've run on and on and not gotten a jot or a tittle of wisdom. Time also equals wisdom and I have a lot of that.

Time wounds all heels -- or heals all wounds come to that.

Time would also help those heading towards divorce and maybe the litigants will gain wisdom and patience.

Today, I looked through and read some of O Magazine. I have a new view of Oprah again. I liked her when she first emerged on TV because she was an intelligent and heavyset icon. It was the same reason for watching Roseanne; she was fat like me and she was funny. I especially enjoyed the funny and she did not let me down. I watched the show all the years it was on and began watching it when it was rebooted -- until Roseanne was booted off the air when her tweets came back to bite her in the backside. I'm not against being booted, but I do question the rush to get booted off the air, except when the presenter is an abuser and a sexual abuser at that. I do not sanction the whipping and branding part of punishment, but that also may be due to my age and growing patience and wisdom.

Then again, I am studying criminal justice and we're currently going through the part of the first semester of the changing views of justice and how many changes have been initiated. If justice can learn and become more community and people based, then patience will be rewarded in this life and wisdom will follow.

I have doubts about Maxine Waters and her angry outbursts and verbal and physical violence and her advanced age. She has not mellowed with time and she is still after impeaching Trump. He is not the usual politician of presidential timber we expect of our POTUS, but then neither have other presidents been up to the grade according to the people, history, or time. Trump is a loose cannon, but remember he is first and foremost a businessman, a successful businessman of a wealthy family. He is like a used car salesman much like Danny Devito as the father in Matilda. I don't think there is sufficient time for Trump to grow into his role as president and the Democrats will not stand idly by and allow him to grow up and evolve into the president they would prefer, especially those freshmen representatives in the House of Representatives who are well on their way following Bernie Sanders down the socialized Democratic Socialism yellow brick road.

Even Elizabeth Warren seems to have evolved and matured, but I doubt Trump will stop calling her Pocahontas -- or Fauxcahontas. I could be wrong.

I doubt I would be wrong when it comes to Muslims; they have not changed in 1400 years because Muhamed has not allowed his followers to reconsider their position or ask questions when it comes to the Quran or how they must repeat his sutras without change of any kind. Doing so would probably result in death, maybe by having their heads cut off. That's the problem when it comes to people who die and leave instructions not to change what they write, like Muhammed. In Islam, the believer cannot even draw his features, although his image was drawn with a whole lot of latitude -- and error. You cannot question him since he died 1400 years ago. That puts a big crimp in the changes that come with time and wisdom. Too bad his followers keep his words and his beliefs unchanged; it is written and that's how it is.

Oprah has grown wisdom now that she has moved beyond the TV screen and the sponsors' long reach. She may even change her politics. Anything is possible as long as she is alive, breathing, and thinking. I would hope she is one of the democrats that will leave the Democrats'  politics and grow in wisdom and patience.

Her final word on the last page of the magazine showed her evolving view -- from space back to Earth where everything seems smaller and the perspective is evolving. Even Oprah from her lofty position as an icon has and is evolving. I hope her maturity and evolution will continue.

I can and do hope. I still like Oprah, but I have questioned her view of the world around her. When it comes to authors she showcases the male authors and gives short shrift to the women who have also been writers -- really good writers. Women have been and still are stellar class writers. Men have been at the top of the heap so maybe women will find their own level -- at the top -- and the wisdom of maturity will trickle down to rain on them as well. Women are good writers and they all do not end up as romance writers, many of them are good enough to walk with the classics -- be they men like Dickens. Women deserve to be lauded and soon.

Maybe writers like me will end up in the aristocratic class with the centuries of women that have been passed over. Many women have been slighted for millennia and I hope now that women are moving toward equal rights world wide and equal pay and the effect will be a tsunami of change that will sweep over humanity and everyone will get their due even though their due is long overdue.

Men have had it good for too long and it is time for the pendulum to swing back and reward women, too. Time comes to us all.

I doubt Einstein will give the Nobel awards committee their prize or their money back. He earned his Nobel prize because his wife did the work and led the way for him. Marie Curie paved the way for her husband and died from radium poisoning, another fatality in the service of men. Science and business are littered with the bodies of enterprising entrepreneurs that were women. It is time to reassess things and realize that women -- like children -- are not going to stand idly by and be seen and not heard. We are here and we are coming into our own -- but not with liars and women like Elizabeth Warren who took advantage of the system to boost their future by lying to get to the top. For that reason, and because she is a Democrat, I do not think she should be president -- if she runs and wins the nomination. She has too much bad history to bury, but then again I may feel different if she has been hiding her light under a steel bushel.

I doubt it.

That is all. Disperse.

The Price of Truth

I have received a message from Beanie. She has asked me not to contact her again -- and I will not. She has not answered any of my messages and has not responded to my emails. That is the way things are these days.

I have not had a visit from BB, who promised to visit, which is why I live here in Urbana to be closer to her. I warned here even before moving here that things were about to change for her and that her grandson, now ten and beginning to wish to spend time with those his own age, would not hold her interest long. He is growing up and would rather spend his weekends with his buddies. He is no longer a child but entering the first flush of puberty and choosing his own path in life.

BB warned me that my family has turned against me because of my mouth. It is not my mouth that gives me trouble from my family, but my propensity to write what I see and what affects me. My families actions do indeed affect me and I will write about it. The apartment manager insists that I write what I do and that it upsets my family (which it does and often sets me at odds with my family). That is all part of life and particularly part of this life -- my life.

I have no doubt that my family will not support me when I plunge deep into the political arena and they will not vote for me. I've no qualms about that nor do I expect them to vote for me because we are related. That may be what most people in politics believe; their families will pull together and be seen as supporting them but I have no illusions there.

I do not speak truth to shame the devil (as many people will and do say) but to speak the truth, however painful or onerous it is to whomever. I will speak the truth and not shame the devil -- or my family come to that. I will be true and speak true no matter what comes. I will not, as in times past or even times present, fail to speak or fib just to gain the people's favor. I will not keep a mistress or be a mistress because my family choose to ally themselves with another family, thus marrying me off for the family's good and keep a mistress or be a mistress -- or in the case of the Clintons -- buy off or pay off an inconvenient mistress or get rid of an illegitimate son -- just to be a political success. And I will not mouth platitudes for political success. What you see -- and what you read and hear -- is the truth from my perspective. If I am found wrong later, I will also acknowledge I was wrong and that my information is fallible. But I will not shy away from the truth or make nice just to make my family -- or the people I represent -- happy. That is not (and has not been) my way.

Since I do not believe in the devil -- or in man-made gods -- I have no one to please or harm but myself. I came to grips with the knowledge that my father was not as he claimed to be -- a heterosexual -- and he hid in the closet and played it straight for the rest of the world. Maybe that is what was behind Mom's constant abuse of him and why she could not forgive him for his indiscretions. She tortured him for her own ego and used her power over him to keep him on the straight and narrow path. She abhorred his drinking and he could never fool her by drinking vodka. Her nose was far too keen and so by drinking vodka he only fooled himself; he never fooled her nor did he ever fool the man-made god and Jesus, come to that. He lived a lie all of his life and never repented, though he went to the altar many times, often Mom led the way likely got her own sins and errors as much as for his. 

But I will not follow their path nor will I change my manner of writing. I have previously kept my thoughts private in my written journals, but now (thanks to Mom and Beanie) I am released to publish my own middle-aged meanderings online in full view of the world. I do not shrink from what I once feared -- hiding the truth. Mom has read all that I had written and asked kept from her, which was not done as Mom gained access and read it all: good, bad, and indifferent. She found out that my world did not revolve around her nor did I blame her for as much as she visited on me. Instead, I was mapping my progress along the road of life (my life) without shame or regret or apology.

At least in that regard, Beanie did me a favor by not burning my journals to keep Mom from them. I might have regretted that she had failed me by not burning the journals, but now I am glad that Mom knew the truth, even the truth about Dad, though no doubt she already knew and had kept it from herself and abused Dad in her own way. That was her way -- abusing her husband for the rest of their lives together, even using me to talk him back home when he had quit her and walked away. I regret that I was used thus, but that is in the past and I loved Dad and would have done anything to keep him at home and married to Mom because I was a child and easily manipulated.

You may say that parents should not use their children so callously, but they do and I am proof. I did not know the full scope of Mom's perfidy with regard to Dad and her marriage, but that is in the past and I know that, just as I know that Dad's behavior is also in the past and it does not stay in the past because it is part of my life and I hide nothing. I speak the truth, even when it hurts me. Life is not an easy path and the road to heaven and hell is before us. Whether we travel the broad road paved to heaven or hell, it is the road we choose and final judgment will come in the end.

I do not believe that St. Peter stands at the gate to welcome those who are rewarded with walking through the pearly gates and watches those who travel the broad, paved path to hell with regret while a tear streaks silently down his cheek. Heaven and hell are reward and punishment and I have never believed in them and I questioned how a fire could harm an eternal soul. I wrote about it endlessly and often argued with Mom over that one issue. My path was decided before I drew my first breath and is now solidified in that I have chosen to be an atheist because I do not believe in man-made gods or demons. I believe in the Universal Creator, he whom the Muslims call Allah. Allah is no more the universal creator than I am the man in the moon, but I doubt my saying so -- or writing so -- would change the beliefs of millions of Muslims who are caught in the web Mohammed wove around his believers 1400 years ago, and they are caught in the trap, willingly, because they are not allowed to question the words of a warped and cruel dwarf who was caught in his own madness, trapped by his pernicious and wealthy wife and further trapped by his prepubescent bride protecting her position and catered to his madness in her innocence. Muslims will have to face that and either cast their beliefs aside and join the rest of sane humanity instead of becoming martyrs for their reward in Paradise. It does not exist, but they will have to deal with that I as I have and face the facts.

My future it would seem is bleak and friendless, but I believe that I am the corporeal reality while the Universal Creator figures himself (or itself) out. That is it and all about it.

And so I wish my family had seen me and the truth differently, but they have their way and I have mine. I will not trade lies for truth for them and I will not do so to join a political party like Bernie Sanders did. I will speak the truth no matter how hard it is for others (including my family) to read or hear. I will not be false, but at least I will couch their names and identities as I have with Beanie, BB, and the Mushroom or Idiot (not that nicknames or couching names have fooled the truly determined) but at least it will make my family feel better about what they read or hear and thus they may end up voting for me and/or supporting me as they have not done until now.

The best (or worst) is yet to come.

That is all. Disperse.